The Marriage Broker

A Jewish family was most concerned that their 30-year-old son was unmarried. So they called a marriage broker and asked her to find their son a good wife.

The broker came over to their house and spent a long time asking many questions of the son and his parents as to what they wanted in a wife/daughter-in-law. They gave her a long shopping list of requirements.

The marriage broker took a long time looking, and finally asked to visit the family again. She told them of a wonderful woman she had found.

She said she was just the right age for the son, kept a Kosher home, a wonderful cook, loves children, wants a large family, and to crown it all off, she’s gorgeous.

After hearing all this, the family was very impressed and began to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.

At that point the son asked, “Is she also good in bed?”

“That I’m not sure,” the marriage broker replied. “Some say yes, some say no.”

The Widow’s Wooing

The widow Sadie finally agreed to her daughter’s pleas to start seeing other people, and accepted an invitation from Morris.

Following a lovely dinner and a movie, Sadie went back to Morris’s house for coffee. It didn’t take long for one thing to lead to another, and soon they were in bed making passionate love.

Afterwards, Sadie was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed, “I don’t know how I can face my daughter knowing that in a time of weakness I sinned twice!”

“What do you mean ‘twice?'” Morris remarked. “We only did it once!”

Sadie looked back at Morris and replied, “Well, you’re going to do it again, aren’t you?”

Car Counseling Cow

A man was driving down a country road when his car sputtered to a stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, got out to see what was the matter, and noticed one of the cows looking at him.

“I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow.

The man nearly jumped right out of his britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door.

“My engine broke down, and a cow just told me what’s wrong with my car!” he said as he frantically motioned back toward the field.

“Oh, that’s Ethel,” said the farmer. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Secret Santa Sucks

My family started doing the “Secret Santa” a few years back, and I really dread it. Every Thanksgiving we have to draw names from a hat. I suppose I should be grateful since I only have to buy but one gift. In years past, the gift giving was getting out of hand, so it’s nice that the family elders decided to reign that nonsense in.

But this year I drew my sister-in-law’s name. Why can’t I get an easy one, like one of my aunts or uncles? Up until a few years ago, I’d just ask my mom, but she’s gone now, and I really don’t care to face conundrums like this on my own.

Of course, I want to get her something she would enjoy, but to be honest, I don’t really know what that would be. It doesn’t help that outside of family gatherings, we don’t really have any sort of relationship.

I suppose in times like this it’s best to play it safe. I need a gift that is pleasant, and not controversial. Yes, I’m almost certain that we’re looking at some sort of gift basket for women. Maybe I’ll order something from the Bath and Body Works website. Wish me luck.