Hoo boy… I really hate to do this to you guys. We were having a really good run too. Unfortunately with my job and the summer heat, I really don’t want to be staring at the computer screen unless it’s to look at pictures of glaciers and snow capped mountains. This past week has left me feeling quite nauseous from the heat, and since I’m out of payed vacation time at my day job, that means I need to take a vacation from this place to try to recoup. As of today, I’ve switched the system over to generate a random page until fall, or whenever the heat breaks.
So basically, we’re showing re-runs for the next two months.
Remember, this is a hiatus, not a funeral. Every time you reload the page there will be five (5) jokes randomly selected from the archives. Enjoy the random jokes. We’ve got a lot of ’em.
Oh, BTW: The site has a bunch of glitches in it right now… They aren’t immediately apparent, but they are there. One of the glitches makes it impractical to allow voting on the random jokes, so it was disabled. I may or may not invoke some maintenance mode at some point to try and repair some glitches that the site has developed.
Again, I just was to stress that I’m only taking a break for the summer and we will resume adding new entries in mid to late September.
While sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thought to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that there were five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replied, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman said a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explained to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asked.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
As the pandemic continues to spread throughout the ranks of the willfully ignorant, my smile is only diminished by the fact that the vast majority will survive. In any event, a certain demographic has lost its members in record numbers, and nearly everyone else is noticeably unsympathetic with that loss.
Currently about 250 people a day are dying from the 'rona in the US. There for a while it got up to almost 4,000 in a single day. All told, nearly 1 in 5,000 Americans have died from the Wuhan flu, which makes me wonder, how are we going to kill the other 4,999?
Obviously you can't kill them with the vaccine. If you count every person who died after taking any of the covid vaccines, and just assume it was the vaccine that did it, the kill ratio is only 1 out of every 56,000 people. And that's about how many people would have been expected to die if there were neither a China Flu nor a vaccine. It looks like if we want to kill more people, we are going to need a lot more stupidity since science has failed us once again.
I just want to acknowledge that Big D threw in a joke that will appear next week. This week's jokes were all stolen from reddit. To keep me honest, you could try using the submission page a little more regularly, but in any event there are going to be jokes here by hook or by crook.
Also, I can't say for certain if there is going to be a comic this coming weekend. I'm going to try, but work might get a little hectic.
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.