Monthly Archives: June 2016

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

“Chief Two Eagles” asked one official, “You have observed the white man for ninety years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress he made, and the damage he’s done.”

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the government officials over a minute, then calmly replied. “When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did all the work, Medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, All night having sex.”

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. “Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!”

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Australian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their love lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.”

When the Australian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” he replied. “Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don’t stop.”

Two men ran out to the course for a quick nine after work.

They get to the tee and see two ladies playing ahead of them.

One of the men complains that the ladies will slow them down and says he is going to ask if they can play through.

He goes halfway to the ladies and turns back.

The other man asked what was wrong.

The man said, “I can’t go up there that’s my wife and my mistress.”

So the other man says he will go.

He goes halfway and comes back.

His partner asked what happened and the man replied, “Small world, huh?”

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Johnny says, “None.”

The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.”

The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”

Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”

The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”

Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”

One day on Lucky Hole #13, Murphy finally makes his first hole-in-one.

Immediately, a leprechaun leaps into view and congratulates him. T

he leprechaun says, “For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye’ one wish.”

The Irishman replies, “Can ye’ make me pecker a wee bit longer.”

“Done,” says the leprechaun.

By the 14th hole the Murphy can tell something is happening.

By 15 it is noticeably different and beginning to strain his shorts.

By 16 it is now becoming uncomfortable.

By 17 it now hangs just below the leg of his shorts.

By 18 it is now dragging on the ground.

After completing his round the Irishman drags himself to the pro shop.He explains what has happened to the golf pro and asks what can be done.

The golf pro tells him he must make another hole-in-one on 13 to get the leprechaun back.

The Irishman takes 2 buckets of range balls to 13 and begins hitting.

After nearly both buckets are gone he finally makes another hole-in-one.

The leprechaun springs into view and congratulates him.

The leprechaun says, “For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye’ one wish.”

The Irishman replies,”Can ye’ make me legs a wee bit longer.”

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening they ended up in his apartment.

As they were beginning to undress each other, the fellow said, “Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me, do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?”

“As a matter of fact,” smiled the girl, “I do happen to have a foot fetish… but I suppose I’d settle for maybe seven or eight inches!”

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out of eggs, goes back to question the chef. “Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”

Gus replies, “I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left.”

The waiter says, “Give him the rotten eggs. He’s so bombed he won’t know the difference.”

Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast.

The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, “Where’d you get those eggs?”

She replies, “We have our own chicken farm.”

The drunk asks, “Do you have a rooster?”

“No,” she says.

The drunk replies, “Well, you’d better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens.”

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train.

A woman, upon seeing those 2 cute babies, asked the man, “Aren’t they cute! What are their names?”

The man, giving the lady an angry look, replied, “I don’t know.”

The lady then asked, “Are they boys or girls?”

The man, looking angrier than before, replied, “I don’t know.”

The woman then started to scold the man, “What kind of a father are you?”

The man replied, “I am NOT their father. I’m a condom salesman, and these are the ‘two complaints’ that I am taking back to my company.”

Danny suffering from impotence went to see a specialist.

The doctor gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three times a day, and always with food.

Two days later the Danny was at a formal banquet and didn’t want any of the other guests to spot, and possibly identify, his pink and purple capsule medication. So he instructed the waiter to empty the capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at the same time.

However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but Danny, who began feeling conspicuous and angry.

He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn’t been served his ‘special’ soup.

“Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed. Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down.”