Another Affair

The woman heard the front door opening, “Quick! My husband’s coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!” she cried.

The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.

“What are you doing lying on the bed naked?” he asked.

“Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you.” she replied with a knowing smile.

“Great,” he said, “I’ll just nip into the bathroom and I’ll be with you in two shakes.”

Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air.

“Who the devil are you!” the husband demanded.

“I’m from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths,” the lover replied.

“But… but you’ve got no clothes on!” stammered the husband.

The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, “Those little bastards!”

The Wish

One day, a man was out playing golf. As usual, he was having a terrible game. On the 10th hole, he shanks his ball deep into the woods. He went stumbling through the thick brush until he found his ball. There sitting on a rock beside it is a leprechaun.

The man said to the leprechaun, “Now that I found you, doesn’t that mean you must grant me a wish”.

The little fellow says “Sure, if that’s what you want, but I must warn you, there is always a price to pay even for a wish.”

The golfer said, “That’s OK. The only wish I have is to be a really great golfer.”

The leprechaun said, “Fine, but it will ruin you sex life”.

The golfer doesn’t care and accepts the terms.

The golfer then continued on with his game and had a fantastic round. He entered a few local tournaments and won, and went on to become a highly raked amateur.

About a year later he was playing the same course again and suddenly, on the 10th hole he hooks his ball into the same woods. Sure enough, there is the same little fellow waiting beside his ball.

The leprechaun asked him,” Well, how are you enjoying your wish?”

The golfer said, “It has been really great, I’m having the time of my life!”

Then the leprechaun asked, “Aye, but how is your sex life?”

The man says, “Well, I’ve only had sex 2 or 3 times in the past year.”

The leprechaun smiled and said, “See, I told you it would ruin your sex life!”

But the golfer said “Gee, I don’t know, 2 or 3 times is pretty good for a priest with a small parish like mine!”

Disappointing Car Sales

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, “Boy, business sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass.”

Too late he noticed a beautiful woman sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.

“That’s okay,” the woman replied, “If I don’t sell more ass this month, I’m going to lose my fucking car.”

A New Tattoo

Krissy was showing off her new tattoo to a small group of friends. It was a giant sea shell on her inner thigh.

Her friend Melissa asked, “Why did you get that tattoo in such a weird location?”

Krissy merely replied, “It’s actually really cool. If you put your left ear up to it, you can smell the ocean!”

Visiting the Farm

A born-and-bred New Yorker was in the country when he saw an animal out in the field. He turned to the farmer and said, “What a strange looking cow. Why doesn’t it have horns?”

“Well, there are several reasons,” the farmer replied. “Some cows get their horns late, while others have their horns cut off, and still others never even grow horns.”

“And this cow?” the city man asked.

“Well, the reason this cow doesn’t have any horns is because it’s a horse.”