- A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
- We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
- Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.
- Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
- Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg, and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Pathos in the Plumbing
I have a serious food addiction right now, and Ohio is just about the worst place on Earth to try to lose weight. I have enough food in the freezer to last half a year, but I'll be back at the store to stock up again at the end of September. Currently I have around 8 pounds of cheese, over 15 pounds of meats, loads of frozen vegetables, and a pantry so full, there are boxes of staples on top of the cabinets. Did I mention the candy bars?
The thing is, I have to lose weight. It is affecting my ability to freely move. I cannot breath while I am tying my shoes, I practically have to dislocate my shoulder to wipe my ass, and I am no longer feeling sassy. I fear that if I do not do something soon, it may have negative consequences on my ability to do my job.
Of course once you get this far, "eat less and exercise" is not going to work. It is like being so far in debt that you can't afford the minimum payment due. If I am to win this battle, I am going to need help.
Wish me luck.
Glenn is off this week, so it is just George's jokes and what I could scrounge up from the net. If you like, you could send a joke or two to our submission page. I also take submissions via firstname.lastname@example.org.
"Curiosity kills boredom. Nothing can kill curiosity."
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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