A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night.”
The priest is silent for a moment, then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.”
“And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man.
“No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that silly smirk off your face.”
A grandfather went to visit his college-age grandson at the dorm.
Grandpa was astonished to find that his son was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway.
“In my day,” grumbled Gramps, “we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes.”
“But grandpa,” replied the grandson, “that is a whore’s shoe.”
The night before her wedding Maria pulled her mother aside for an intimate little chat.
“Mom,” she confided, “I want you to tell me how I can make my new husband happy.”
The bride’s mother took a deep breath. “Well, my child,” she began, “when two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing.”
“I already know how to fuck, Mom,” interrupted the girl. “I want you to teach me how to make lasagna.”
