So a man went to see his doctor about renewing his Viagra prescription.
The doctor asks, “How have you felt since taking Viagra?”
“I’ve felt great! Sex is better than it’s been in years!” responded the man.
“So, you haven’t been suffering from blurred vision?” queried the doc.
“Suffering? Have you seen my wife?”
An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.
“Thank goodness you’re home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!”
He responds, “A Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!”
A single mother opted to have a caesarean section when she found out she was having twins. Unfortunately there was a complication during the procedure and the mother suffered a coma for nearly three months. When she finally came to, she immediately asked, “My babies… Are they OK?”
“They are just fine,” comforted the nurse. “You had a beautiful little girl and a handsome little boy.”
“Wonderful! But I hadn’t thought of what to name them yet,” replied the new mom.
“Well your brother was here, and he already provided us with the names,” stated the nurse.
“W-w-what?! My idiot brother named my children?!” cried the mother. “What did he name them?”
“Well,” continued the nurse, “the little girl is named Denise…”
“Denise? You know I kind of like that name… It’s pretty,” the mother cooed as she softened up.
“And the boy is named, De-Nephew.”
A bear and a hare were pooping next to each other in the woods.
The bear looked over and asked, “Hey, Rabbit. Do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?”
“Why no,” replied the hare, “I don’t have that problem at all.
With that the bear picked up the bunny and wiped his ass.
Two hillbillies were on the front porch swigging their moonshine when a sod truck drove by. “That’s what I’m gonna do when I win the lottery!” shouts the one.
“What? You’re gonna drive a truck?” his buddy replied.
“No you idiot!” retorted the first. “I’m gonna send my lawn out to be mowed.”
So during the last fireside chat, I might have given some of you the impression that I don't like my dog. Well, I do, but with such boundless energy she can be very tiring. I'm getting on in my years, and having a living bouncy ball sap my energy every day is frustrating.
But Gail is my baby girl, and though she often tests my limits, she does have her up sides. Off hand I can't think of any, but... Oh wait! She does actually settle down, and when I'm sitting on the couch or lying in bed, she is right there snuggled up next to me. She looks at me in such a way as to tell me that I am her everything.
And Gail is still just a pup. Granted, she is an 85 pound musclebound pup, but her brain is still developing. It is always a pleasant surprise when something finally "clicks" in that head of hers, and she learns to control some of the less desirable aspects of her behavior.
Make no mistake, there is a long way to go before Gail is what I would consider a "good" dog, and I have had enough dogs to know the difference. In the meantime, she still gets plenty of toys and treats and belly rubs.
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