A single mother opted to have a caesarean section when she found out she was having twins. Unfortunately there was a complication during the procedure and the mother suffered a coma for nearly three months. When she finally came to, she immediately asked, “My babies… Are they OK?”
“They are just fine,” comforted the nurse. “You had a beautiful little girl and a handsome little boy.”
“Wonderful! But I hadn’t thought of what to name them yet,” replied the new mom.
“Well your brother was here, and he already provided us with the names,” stated the nurse.
“W-w-what?! My idiot brother named my children?!” cried the mother. “What did he name them?”
“Well,” continued the nurse, “the little girl is named Denise…”
“Denise? You know I kind of like that name… It’s pretty,” the mother cooed as she softened up.
“And the boy is named, De-Nephew.”
A bear and a hare were pooping next to each other in the woods.
The bear looked over and asked, “Hey, Rabbit. Do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?”
“Why no,” replied the hare, “I don’t have that problem at all.
With that the bear picked up the bunny and wiped his ass.
Two hillbillies were on the front porch swigging their moonshine when a sod truck drove by. “That’s what I’m gonna do when I win the lottery!” shouts the one.
“What? You’re gonna drive a truck?” his buddy replied.
“No you idiot!” retorted the first. “I’m gonna send my lawn out to be mowed.”