Doggone Sad

dogWith a heavy heart, Marshal knocked on his redneck neighbor’s door. Bubba answered the door in his dirty wife-beater, “What the hell do you want?”
“Well, Bubba,” Marshal began, “Your dog just jumped the fence into my back yard again…”
“What of it?” Bubba remarked while scratching himself.
“I hate to have to tell you this,” Marshal casually explained, “but my dog just killed your dog.”
Bubba was almost dumbstruck, but chuckled and said, “How the hell could your Chihuahua have killed my Rottweiler?”
Marshal continued, “Apparently my dog got lodged in your dog’s throat when he tried to eat him, and he choked.”

The Prostate Exam

doctorTwo men were having lunch together as one says to the other, “I’m so embarrassed. I got a raging erection during a prostate exam today.”
“That’s not so bad. These things happen,” his friend responds.
“Yeah, well precum was definitely dripping out,” the first continued.
“It happens all the time,” said the friend.
“I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning, and I was getting really close to shooting my load.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself. Lots of guys experience this sort of thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Yeah, but what if my patient had noticed?” replied the doctor.

Pedos in the Park

benchTwo pedophiles are sitting on a park bench discussing their propensities. The first one says, “I like’em  real young, ya know?”
“Oh me too,” said the second, “The younger the better.”
Just then a six year old girl merrily skips on by.
“Whoa! Check out the body on that one,” said the first.
To which the other replied, “Yeah, I bet she was really something in her day.”

Last Rights

lexusA 12 year old boy gets hit by a car at a busy intersection.
A woman witnesses the entire event and runs over to the little boy, who’s lying on the ground in a pool of blood.
She gently cradles the boy’s head in her arms and whispers, “Do you need a priest?”
The boy moans, “How you can think of sex at a time like this?”

Burying a Goldfish

deadfishLittle Suzy was in the back yard filling in a large hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Curious about the little girl’s activity, he politely asked, “What are you doing, Suzy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied a tearful Suzy, “and I just finished burying him.”
The neighbor asked, “Isn’t that an awfully big plot for a goldfish?”
Suzy patted down the last heap of dirt and replied, “That’s because he’s still inside your cat.”