Monthly Archives: March 2014

The mighty Mississippi was at it again, and Shamus had found religion. As he sat calmly on the porch of his now river-side house, some men floated by in a boat and said, “Come on Shamus! Get in the boat! We’ll take you to safety!”
“You boys jest be movin’ on,” said ol’ Shamus. “The LORD will protect me.”
As the waters rose, Shamus ascended to his upstairs bedroom. Again, another rescue boat drifted by and saw him looking out his window. “We’re here to rescue you,” they shouted at Shamus. “Climb out your window and into the boat, and we’ll take you to safety!”
But Shamus wasn’t moved. “I’m stayin’ put,” ol’ Shamus snorted. “The LORD will protect me!”
As time went on, the waters rose higher and Shamus had made his way onto his roof. The helicopter descended from above and dropped a rope. Over the loudspeaker they instructed, “Tie this rope around you. We’ll take you to safety!”
Shamus shouted back with all his might, “Leave me be! The LORD will protect me!!!”
And then the foundation of the house cracked, the structure collapsed, and Shamus was drown in the currents.
As his soul approached the pearly gates he saw St. Peter before him. He was a little sad and confused, “I’ve been a good Christian. I was sure the LORD would protect me.”
“What were you expecting? He sent you two boats and a helicopter,” scolded St. Peter.

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found an old lamp half buried in the sand. He decided to rub the side of it. Inside was a genie. The genie emerged and said, “I will grant you three wishes, and three wishes only.”
The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 10 million dollars!”
POOF! Several satchels of money were surrounding him.
Next he wished for a red Ferrari.
POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him.
Then he made his final wish, “I wish I was irresistible to women.”
POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.