Janet asked her husband, “Which do you like most about me? My pretty face or my sexy body?”

Tom looked at her from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor.”

The farm hand was walking past the barn when he heard some romantic music playing. Being curious, he looked inside to see the farmer dancing really slow while slipping one suspender off his shoulder and down his arm. As he removed the other suspender from his other shoulder, the farm hand realized that the farmer was doing a strip tease in front of his John Deere.

He asked, “Bubba, what in the world are you doing?”

The farmer said, “Well, Earl, I went to the doctor this morning and told him that me and the wife has been having trouble with our relationship. He told me that when I got home I should get cleaned up, put on some soft music, then do something sexy to a tractor.”

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Bob asked his wife of 20 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

“Of course I will,” replied his wife. “I’ve been doing it for at least ten years already!”

Directions: Please complete the following problems. You may use a

scratch piece of paper for your calculations which must be turned in

with your exam. SHOW ALL WORK! Use only a #2 pencil.. You have

20 minutes to complete the exam.

1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.

[True] or [False]

2. Asphalt describes rectal problems.

[True] or [False]

3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.

[True] or [False]

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.

[True] or [False]

5. The clitoris is a type of flower.

[True] or [False]

6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.

[True] or [False]

7. Semen is a term for sailors.

[True] or [False]

8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.

[True] or [False]

9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.

[True] or [False]

10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.

[True] or [False]

11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.

[True] or [False]

12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.

[True] or [False]

13. Coitus is a musical instrument.

[True] or [False]

14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.

[True] or [False]

15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.

[True] or [False]

16. A condom is a large apartment complex.

[True] or [False]

17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.

[True] or [False]

18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.

[True] or [False]

19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.

[True] or [False]

20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.

[True] or [False]

21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

[True] or [False]

22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.

[True] or [False]

23. Pornography is the business of making records.

[True] or [False]

24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.

[True] or [False]

25. Douche is the French word for “twelve.”

[True] or [False]

Time’s up! Put your pencil’s down. Turn your results in to your

significant other, so they know what they are dealing with.

What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

Two little boys were arguing. “My father is better than your father!” “No, he’s not!” “My brother is better than your brother!” “No he’s not!” “My mother is better than your mother!” The second boy paused. “Well I guess you’ve got me there. My father says the same thing.”

What’s the definition of a transvestite?
He’s a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So, his mom has to go in and clean up after him.

After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Tommy to see the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, “His unit is too small. An old wives’ tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.”

The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

“Mom!” Tommy yells. “The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast.”

“I know,” said his mother. “The other ten are for your father.”

The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself.

The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.

5’9′ tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top.

I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer.

No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.

She said ‘ Hi ‘, and I said ‘ Hi’ in return.

She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.

‘So, does that make you feel good ?’ she asked.

‘I’ll bet you feel good,’ she continued. ‘In fact, I’ll bet you’ve never felt this good before.’

‘Well, I have,’ I corrected her. ‘You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.’

I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top.

Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast. ‘How do you feel now,’ she purred.

‘OK’ I replied.

Again, she said, ‘I’ll bet you do. In fact, I’ll bet you’ve never felt THIS good before!’

Unbelievably I heard myself saying ‘Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds ’till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and…….. ‘

” Ahhh….” she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt.

My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet !!!! She snapped, ‘Well tell me this, Smart Ass. Have you ever felt such a cunt?’

‘I certainly have’ I answered, ‘I missed the kick.’

The energizer bunny, that popular commercial character has died. The state medical examiner announced today that the bunny had died of a heart attack caused by sexual overstimulation, apparently someone had put the batteries in backwards and the bunny just kept coming and coming and coming..

What’s the definition of an 11?
A 10 that swallows!

Q: What’s the definition of oral sex?
A: The taste of things to come.