A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. One evening the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight for an out of state conference.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 am.”

The next morning the man woke up to discover it was after 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife did not wake him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

It said: “It is 5:00am; wake up.”

A preacher went into a bar and said, “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.”

Everybody stood up except for one lonely drunk in the corner.

The preacher approached the man and said, “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”

“When I die? Sure,” replied the drunk. “I thought you were taking a load up now.”

Janet asked her husband, “Which do you like most about me? My pretty face or my sexy body?”

Tom looked at her from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor.”

The farm hand was walking past the barn when he heard some romantic music playing. Being curious, he looked inside to see the farmer dancing really slow while slipping one suspender off his shoulder and down his arm. As he removed the other suspender from his other shoulder, the farm hand realized that the farmer was doing a strip tease in front of his John Deere.

He asked, “Bubba, what in the world are you doing?”

The farmer said, “Well, Earl, I went to the doctor this morning and told him that me and the wife has been having trouble with our relationship. He told me that when I got home I should get cleaned up, put on some soft music, then do something sexy to a tractor.”

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Bob asked his wife of 20 years, “Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

“Of course I will,” replied his wife. “I’ve been doing it for at least ten years already!”

Directions: Please complete the following problems. You may use a

scratch piece of paper for your calculations which must be turned in

with your exam. SHOW ALL WORK! Use only a #2 pencil.. You have

20 minutes to complete the exam.

1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.

[True] or [False]

2. Asphalt describes rectal problems.

[True] or [False]

3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.

[True] or [False]

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.

[True] or [False]

5. The clitoris is a type of flower.

[True] or [False]

6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.

[True] or [False]

7. Semen is a term for sailors.

[True] or [False]

8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.

[True] or [False]

9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.

[True] or [False]

10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.

[True] or [False]

11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.

[True] or [False]

12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.

[True] or [False]

13. Coitus is a musical instrument.

[True] or [False]

14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.

[True] or [False]

15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.

[True] or [False]

16. A condom is a large apartment complex.

[True] or [False]

17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.

[True] or [False]

18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.

[True] or [False]

19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.

[True] or [False]

20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.

[True] or [False]

21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

[True] or [False]

22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.

[True] or [False]

23. Pornography is the business of making records.

[True] or [False]

24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.

[True] or [False]

25. Douche is the French word for “twelve.”

[True] or [False]

Time’s up! Put your pencil’s down. Turn your results in to your

significant other, so they know what they are dealing with.

What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

Two little boys were arguing. “My father is better than your father!” “No, he’s not!” “My brother is better than your brother!” “No he’s not!” “My mother is better than your mother!” The second boy paused. “Well I guess you’ve got me there. My father says the same thing.”

What’s the definition of a transvestite?
He’s a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So, his mom has to go in and clean up after him.

After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Tommy to see the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, “His unit is too small. An old wives’ tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.”

The next morning Tommy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

“Mom!” Tommy yells. “The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast.”

“I know,” said his mother. “The other ten are for your father.”