The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.

They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.

Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear’s sensitive nose and it will run away.

It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.

Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.

A little girl asks her father: “Daddy, what is corruption?”

— Go bring me a beer and I’ll tell you.

— But mommy said you should stop drinking!

— Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.

— Oh, okay!

(just saw this on Reddit and figured you’d probably like it. — The Oldest Rater)

Now that I’m back, I thought I’d dig out one from the original archive that made me laugh so hard I almost shit myself:

-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxxxxx
Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2003 9:05 AM
To: 'itgbilling@rexallsundown.com'
Cc: 'info@carbsolutions.com'; 'webmaster@rexallsundown.com'
Subject: Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter

xxxxxxxx
Bellingham, Massachusetts

After leaving the racetrack Roy bumped into his old friend Marty on the bus.

“You want to hear one of the most amazing things that ever happened?” asked Roy. “Tell me- what’s today’s date?”

“July seventh,” Marty replied.

“Right. The seventh day, of the seventh month,” Roy began to explain. “I went to the track at seven minutes past seven. My son is seven years old today, and we live at number seven, Seventh Avenue.”

“Let me guess,” Marty interrupted. “You put everything you had on the seventh horse in the seventh race.”

“Right.”

“And he won?” asked Marty with anticipation.

“No,” replied Roy. “He came in seventh.”

A woman heard her husband cussing up a storm from behind the bathroom door. She knocked and asked, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Her husband emerged from the bathroom and explained, “The doctor prescribed these suppositories, and no matter what I do, I just can’t get the little sucker to go up my ass. Even the doctor had to shove the first one in to show me how it was done, and I tell you, it took forever for him to get it up there and it hurt!”

“You were probably nervous and tense, and he probably wasn’t very gentle with you,” soothed the wife. “Here, let me give you the suppository. I don’t mind, and I’ll promise to be gentle.”

Still grumbling, the husband bent over. His wife put her left hand on his left shoulder to brace him, and with her right hand she quickly and easily slipped the pill up her husband’s rear end.

The husband suddenly let out a bloodcurdling scream.

“My God!” said his wife. “What happened? Did I hurt you?”

“No!” cried the man. “But I just realized that when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders!”

Brian looked down in the dumps, and his friend Larry asked him what was the matter.

“My wife is pregnant again,” signed Brian. “This is the eighth one. I have no idea how I’m going to afford another mouth to feed!”

Larry realized Brian’s predicament and suggested, “Perhaps you should consider getting a vasectomy.”

“I already did,” replied Brian. “All it did was change the color of the babies.”