One day on Lucky Hole #13, Murphy finally makes his first hole-in-one.

Immediately, a leprechaun leaps into view and congratulates him. T

he leprechaun says, “For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye’ one wish.”

The Irishman replies, “Can ye’ make me pecker a wee bit longer.”

“Done,” says the leprechaun.

By the 14th hole the Murphy can tell something is happening.

By 15 it is noticeably different and beginning to strain his shorts.

By 16 it is now becoming uncomfortable.

By 17 it now hangs just below the leg of his shorts.

By 18 it is now dragging on the ground.

After completing his round the Irishman drags himself to the pro shop.He explains what has happened to the golf pro and asks what can be done.

The golf pro tells him he must make another hole-in-one on 13 to get the leprechaun back.

The Irishman takes 2 buckets of range balls to 13 and begins hitting.

After nearly both buckets are gone he finally makes another hole-in-one.

The leprechaun springs into view and congratulates him.

The leprechaun says, “For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye’ one wish.”

The Irishman replies,”Can ye’ make me legs a wee bit longer.”

The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening they ended up in his apartment.

As they were beginning to undress each other, the fellow said, “Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me, do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?”

“As a matter of fact,” smiled the girl, “I do happen to have a foot fetish… but I suppose I’d settle for maybe seven or eight inches!”

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs. The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out of eggs, goes back to question the chef. “Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”

Gus replies, “I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left.”

The waiter says, “Give him the rotten eggs. He’s so bombed he won’t know the difference.”

Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast.

The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment. He goes to pay the cashier and asks, “Where’d you get those eggs?”

She replies, “We have our own chicken farm.”

The drunk asks, “Do you have a rooster?”

“No,” she says.

The drunk replies, “Well, you’d better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens.”

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train.

A woman, upon seeing those 2 cute babies, asked the man, “Aren’t they cute! What are their names?”

The man, giving the lady an angry look, replied, “I don’t know.”

The lady then asked, “Are they boys or girls?”

The man, looking angrier than before, replied, “I don’t know.”

The woman then started to scold the man, “What kind of a father are you?”

The man replied, “I am NOT their father. I’m a condom salesman, and these are the ‘two complaints’ that I am taking back to my company.”

Danny suffering from impotence went to see a specialist.

The doctor gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three times a day, and always with food.

Two days later the Danny was at a formal banquet and didn’t want any of the other guests to spot, and possibly identify, his pink and purple capsule medication. So he instructed the waiter to empty the capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at the same time.

However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but Danny, who began feeling conspicuous and angry.

He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn’t been served his ‘special’ soup.

“Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed. Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down.”

It’s the summer of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.

Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue’s father answers and invites him in.

“Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?”

He says. “That’s cool.”

Peggy Sue’s father asks Bobby what they are planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in-movie.

Peggy Sue’s father responds, “Why don’t you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.”

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and asks the father to repeat it.

“Yeah,” says Peggy Sue’s father, “We know that Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she’d screw all night if we let her!”

Bobby’s eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening.

A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, “Have a good evening kids,” with a small wink for Bobby.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father, “Dammit, Daddy! It’s ‘The Twist’! It’s called ‘The Twist’!”

Kenny had been taking skydiving classes, and was about to take his first solo jump. After he dove out of the airplane, he counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute emerged tangled. After cutting it free, he then pulled the cord on the reserve chute, and it also was tangled.

At this point he began praying to God as he fell to the earth below. To his amazement, could see a man coming up with equal velocity.

“Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?” he shouted to him, as they passed by.

“No,” replied the man. “Do you know anything about gas grills?”

A lady was having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She was down to her last $50.

Exasperated, she exclaimed, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”

A man standing next to her suggested, “I don’t know. Why don’t you play your age?”

The man walked away. Barely a moment later, his attention was grabbed by a commotion at the roulette table. “Maybe she won!” He thought as He rushed back to the table.

When the man pushed through the crowd he found the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man was stunned. He asked, “What happened? Is she all right?”

The operator replied, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and when 36 came up she just fainted!”

Three guys were debating who had the best memory.

The first guy boasted, “I can remember the first day of First Grade!”

The second guy retorted, “I can remember my first day at Nursery School!”

Not to be outdone, the third guy said, “That’s nothing! I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother!”

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch.

The next day the wife felt bad about what happened, and decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf. After talking with the pro, he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest.

“How much is it?” she asked.

“One hundred and fifty dollars,” he replied.

She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.

“But it comes with an inscription,” he said temptingly.

“What kind of inscription?” she asked.

“Whatever you wish,” he explained, “An old golfers favorite is, ‘Never up, never in’.”

“Oh, that will never do!” exclaimed the wife. “That’s what started the argument in the first place!”