Mike had started seeing a therapist. During his initial session, the doctor asked him what he looked for in a woman. Mike confidently replied, “Big tits.”

“No, I meant for a serious relationship,” said the doctor.

Revising his answer, Mike said, “Oh, seriously big tits.”

“No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?”

Mike thought about it for a moment and said, “No woman’s tits are that big.”

A Jewish family was most concerned that their 30-year-old son was unmarried. So they called a marriage broker and asked her to find their son a good wife.

The broker came over to their house and spent a long time asking many questions of the son and his parents as to what they wanted in a wife/daughter-in-law. They gave her a long shopping list of requirements.

The marriage broker took a long time looking, and finally asked to visit the family again. She told them of a wonderful woman she had found.

She said she was just the right age for the son, kept a Kosher home, a wonderful cook, loves children, wants a large family, and to crown it all off, she’s gorgeous.

After hearing all this, the family was very impressed and began to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.

At that point the son asked, “Is she also good in bed?”

“That I’m not sure,” the marriage broker replied. “Some say yes, some say no.”

The widow Sadie finally agreed to her daughter’s pleas to start seeing other people, and accepted an invitation from Morris.

Following a lovely dinner and a movie, Sadie went back to Morris’s house for coffee. It didn’t take long for one thing to lead to another, and soon they were in bed making passionate love.

Afterwards, Sadie was mortified at her lack of self control and sobbed, “I don’t know how I can face my daughter knowing that in a time of weakness I sinned twice!”

“What do you mean ‘twice?'” Morris remarked. “We only did it once!”

Sadie looked back at Morris and replied, “Well, you’re going to do it again, aren’t you?”

A man was driving down a country road when his car sputtered to a stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, got out to see what was the matter, and noticed one of the cows looking at him.

“I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow.

The man nearly jumped right out of his britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door.

“My engine broke down, and a cow just told me what’s wrong with my car!” he said as he frantically motioned back toward the field.

“Oh, that’s Ethel,” said the farmer. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Marvin was diligently walking home when he was accosted by a streetwalker.

She called out, “Hey buddy! How ’bout some relaxing oral sex? Only $50.”

“No way!” Marvin retorted. “I’m married!”

“So what difference does that make?” asked the harlot.

“The difference is,” said Marvin indignantly, “my wife will do it for only $25.”

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No, Ma’am. They’re dead.”

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign came up that read, “Low Bridge Ahead.”

Before he knew it, the bridge was right up on him, and he got stuck under the bridge.

Not long after, cars were backed up for miles and a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked up to the truck driver.

With his hands on his hips, the officer snarked, “Got stuck, huh?”

The truck driver replied, “Actually, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out of gas.”

Margret prodded Linda about the date she had last night. “So how was it?” She asked. “I heard he’s supposed to be really smart or something.”

“Well he’s an intellectual,” replied Linda. “First he took me out to a very fancy restaurant, and then we went to the opera. Afterward we went back to his place for coffee, and when we got there he started an intellectual conversation. That went on for about half an hour before he finally took out his penis.”

“His penis?” Margret chuckled over the formal nomenclature.

“Yes. Apparently all the intellectuals have them,” said Linda. “It’s like a dick only smaller.”

Mr. and Mrs. Brown were in divorce court. The judge was trying to determine who should get custody of their only child, Joey. In his private chamber he interviewed the young lad and asked him, “So tell me Joey, would you like to live with your mama?”

“Oh no!” cried little Joey. “My mama beats me something terrible!”

“Well then,” continued the judge, “would you prefer to go live with your papa?”

“Oh no!” he cried again. “Papa beats me as bad as mama!”

“Well who would you like to live with?” asked the concerned judge.

“My aunt Martha. She’s my pa’s sister in Cleveland,” said Joey

“Well is there any chance she’d beat you as well?”

“Oh no!” exclaimed little Joey. “The Cleveland Browns never beat anybody!”

_{Seriously… After losing to Pittsburgh last night, they have an embarrassing 0-11 standing.}