Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. “Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!”

John hadn’t been feeling well, so he went to the doctor.

After the exam, the doctor left the room, and a few minutes later came back to the patient with three bottles of pills.

“Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up in the morning,” the doctor began, “Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then, just before going to bed, you need to take this red pill with a big glass of water also.”

Startled by all the medication, John nervously asked, “Doc, exactly what is my condition?”

With a solemn look, the doctor said, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

Kara and Pam were discussing their sex lives.

Kara lamented, “Mine’s OK. We get it on about once a week, but it’s no big adventure. How’s yours?”

“It’s been great ever since we started doing S&M,” blurted Pam.

Kara was surprised. “Really, Pam? I never would have guessed that you were into that sort of thing.”

“Oh, sure,” said Pam, “He snores while I masturbate.”

A woman entered a drug store and asked the pharmacist if they sell extra-large condoms.

“Why yes, we do,” said the pharmacist. “Would you like to buy some?”

“No thank you,” replied the woman, “but if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.”

A cultural anthropologist was intrigued when he discovered an indigenous tribe consisting only of men. He convinced the chief to allow him to live among them and learn their ways. After a few days, he approached the chief and asked, “With a society of only men, how do your people satisfy their sexual desires?”

With a knowing smile, the chief said, “Come down to the river bank in the morning and we’ll show you.”

The next day the anthropologist went to the river and saw a group of men standing near a donkey. One of the men went up to him and said, “Since you are our guest, you may go first,” and he made a gesture in the direction of the donkey.

At first the anthropologist was horrified by the prospect of this vile form of affection, but not wishing to disrespect their customs, he approached the animal. While lovingly caressing the beast, he made his way to the rear of the donkey. Then, fully embracing the moment, he engaged in passionate bestiality.

“Can you hurry it up?” asked one of the natives. “We need the donkey for crossing the river so we can visit the tribe of women.”

One day, Little Johnny went up to his mother and asked, “Mom, where do babies come from?”

Not wanting to open that can of worms, the mother replied, “Well the stork brings them of course.”

Johnny thought about it for a moment and then asked, “So who fucks the stork?”

Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.

One of the cowboys stopped and remarked to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” said the other cowboy.

“He’s listening to the ground,” said the first cowboy. “He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looked up. “Covered wagon,” he grunted, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”

“Incredible!” the cowboy said to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”

The Indian looked up and groaned, “Actually, they ran over me about 15 minutes ago.”

A Buddhist went up to a hot dog vendor and said, “Make me one with everything.”

The hot dog vendor then gave him the dog as the Buddhist handed him a $20.

After the vendor put the $20 in the till and turned away, the Buddhist said, “Hey, where’s my change?”

But the vendor merely replied, “Change must come from within.”