Category Archives: Sunday’s Rant

Thank God That’s Over

Holiday’s are hell. Since the new owner took over the company, I just get a single day off for New Year’s day instead of a full two week Christmas vacation like we used to. As far as I’m concerned, that means the holiday season is fucking over.

With any luck 2020 will go by really damn fast. 2019 was a shitty year, and the more distance I can put between me and that mess, the better.

You know, I really haven’t been putting a lot of effort into this site lately. I almost feel like going on another hiatus, or better yet, a sabbatical.

You know what really sucks? When you watch “Hasbin Hotel” or “Helluva Boss” on YouTube, then look at your own body of work. Cheez’n’rice, people… I’ve wasted my frickin time on making this shit.

So I’m going back to my day job, and I’m going to try to forget what a miserable failure my cartooning career has been. Thanks, Vivziepoop, you magnificent shitlord.

Kudos

Hey, we got more jokes lined up again this week! It’s like “the Dems VS Trump”. This shit never ends! It looks like more jokes from Glenn, so thank you, Glenn. The rest of you freeloaders should check out the submission page to see if your conscience is calling you. I’ll also accept jokes via flush2x@gmail.com.

Animation can explain whatever the mind of man can conceive. This facility makes it the most versatile and explicit means of communication yet. ― Walt Disney

Pax,

-f2x

Christmas Sausages

Every year, my mother would make this dish on Christmas day. Though quite simple to make, it has a nuanced flavor that screams “Christmas is here!”

Ingredients:

3 cups brown sugar

3 cups ketchup

3 cups Burgundy wine

5 pounds of smoked sausage.

Combine the sugar, ketchup, and wine into a large stock pot. Mix well and bring to a simmer over low heat. Cook for at least 20 minutes. DO NOT BOIL.

While that’s simmering, slice the smoked sausages into thin coins. Unless you’re the Iron Chef, it should take you about 20 minutes. When you are done, dump the smoked sausage into the wine sauce. You can turn the heat up to get it simmering again, but once it starts bubbling, turn it back to low! Let it simmer for another 2 hours or so. The dish will be ready when the sausages start to look slightly browned and shriveled.

Ladel some out onto your plate or into a bowl. One bite, and you’ll never be the same.

Fair warning: This is kind of a pricey dish to make. Don’t let it boil hard or it will become bitter. Don’t go f***ing around with adding your own “flair”. If you can’t follow the damn recipe properly, just go grab some Sweet Baby Rays and a family pack of hot dogs.

Kudos

So this week we can thank “TOR” and Glenn for the jokes. Nothing says Christmas like dirty jokes that aren’t even Christmas themed. Do you want to see better jokes for New Year’s? Well head on over to our submission page and submit them! You can also send them to my e-mail at flush2x@gmail.com.

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”
― Bob Hope

Pax,

-f2x

The Cold That Wasn’t

Man, I feel like I dodged a bullet this week. I think it was Tuesday that I stopped at Costco and got my flu shot. They only cost $20 there, and it’s on my way home. Needless to say a lot of people at work have been coughing and sniffing recently. ‘Tis the season as they say, so Thursday I started to feel that familiar tickle down the back of my throat, and by Friday the 13th, that tickle became rather unpleasant.

As I entered the weekend, I braced for what I fully expected to be a case of the crud. I cleaned my sinuses in the sink, took some Sudafed (the stuff that you sign for), took some vitamins, and ate some comfort food before going to bed. To my delight, I awoke without even a trace of symptoms. I felt… good. And that’s better than I usually feel.

This Sunday morning was was the same. No cold symptoms. I’m relieved, but still a little nervous. No one likes to get sick, but it’s one of those things that some of us have a hard time avoiding. Eventually I’m going to wipe my eye after touching a contaminated surface, and before you know it, I’ll be sick as a dog.

But for now I’m grateful. I have my health, and I don’t feel like existence is pain. I hope you feel just as well.

Kudos

George is on vacation, so let’s thank that sick puppy Glenn for the jokes this week. Yes, nothing says Christmas like a bunch of dirty jokes. Won’t you please consider sending some non-prurient humor to our submission page or flush2x@gmail.com?

“Be careful, as once you lose your health, it may be gone forever.” ― Steven Magee

Pax,

-f2x

The Binge

If you hang out in the wrong parts of the internet, there are a lot of people talking about all the new streaming services and the shows on them. Isn’t that just great? Well one of the shows people won’t shut up about is “Gravity Falls”, and I’ve wasted my entire weekend watching this dreck. I’m not even halfway through, and now I’m probably going to waste a bunch of my evenings during the work week to finish up the series because I have no self-control.

Of course I can’t just enjoy a show like normal people. I have to beat myself up whenever they say something incredibly funny and clever. I mean, why can’t I be that funny? Damn them for being professionals at their craft! Seriously, there’s some funny shit in that series, and I can see why people won’t shut up about it.

As good as the show is, there’s still the problem of my binge-watching. I should be getting things done, such as writing comics, or perhaps selling my dog to a cosmetic testing facility. Of course, rather than take responsibility for my life, I’m going to blame corporations because of their blatant disregard for my personal weaknesses.

Maybe this Christmas I should ask Santa for another 75″ 4K TV so I can binge watch 2 series at the same time!

Binge responsibly.

Kudos

Now that you’re done re-watching TV shows you’d never admit you watched in the first place, keep stopping by for new jokes submitted by people like George and Glenn! You can even add to the fun by leaving a joke on our submission page or by emailing me at flush2x@gmail.com!

“Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind and don’t let anyone ever tell you you aren’t smart or brave or worthy enough.” ― Alex Hirsch

Pax,

-f2x

D.I.Why?!

When Grace started having problems, her first symptom was peeing on the carpet. The vet said it was behavioral, but this isn’t about that. This is about what I did to protect the carpet. I went to Menards and purchased an 8 x 12 section of sheet vinyl marked for clearance. It was an ugly dark hardwood pattern that I laid it down over top of the living room carpet. It covered most of the living room, and when Grace peed on it, I could easily just wipe the puddle up.

As ugly as that dark color was, I had to admire the quality of the vinyl floor and started to consider replacing the carpet with a much lighter pattern. Of course this seemed like way more work than I wanted to do, so that idea hit the back burner. Fast forward, Grace is gone, and Gail is pissing on everything not covered by the vinyl. At this point I have to concede that the carpet was way past its prime, and there is no bringing it back. I picked out the flooring at the big box store and brought it home.There is enough to do the living room, hallway, and kitchen.

So I took it down to the basement, where it still sits to this day.

OK, so this holiday weekend, I decided it was time to rip out the old carpet. I’d never done this before, so this was a new and exciting experience. I was wondering what kind of horrors lurked beneath those decrepit fibers and padding. Perhaps there would be an ominous satanic pentagram or a blood stain next to a chalk outline! No, what I found was so much worse. It was a hardwood floor in extraordinarily bad condition. It’s so bad that when Gail pees on the floor, it rains in the basement. So now the pressure is really on to get that new flooring down.

Would that it were so simple.

I still have to get those blasted nail strips pulled up from around the baseboards… and then their is the piano. Did I mention I have a piano? Moving a piano on carpet is hard, but it usually doesn’t hurt anything. I just saw what my piano did to the bare hardwood floor, and if I don’t come up with something, it is going to seriously fuck up my new vinyl floor when I try to put the piano back.

So there you have it… If you’re wondering where my inspiration went, it’s currently rolled up in the logistics of rolling out vinyl.

Kudos

Of course we’re rolling out five more jokes this week. You can thank Glenn and George for those jokes, but I’m still open to accepting submissions from viewers like you. You can also send me email at flush2x@gmail.com if you prefer.

“You can take a dog outside, but you can’t make it pee” ― Micah Amyx

Pax,

-f2x

My First Turkey!

Though I have never made out a bucket list, there are a few simple things I would like to have done before I leave this earth… And preferably looong before I kick the bucket. This week I finally did something that most people would find to be rather ho-hum.

Meijer had whole turkeys on sale for 33¢/pound, and I was able to pick up a 21 pound bird for $7! Since the generation over me still holds an iron grip on the Thanksgiving gatherings, I’ve never actually had any first hand experience with roasting a turkey.

It may seem odd to you, but roasting a whole turkey has a kind of sacred place among my kinfolk. Surreptitiously preparing your own fowl could merit dirty looks and scorn during family events. In their eyes, turkey should only be prepared by the anointed elders, so this was a rather bold move on my part.

Not really. I’ve been living on my own for my entire adult life, and I’m about a half a century old. I couldn’t give two shits what the family fossils think anymore. But there was still a twinge of angst when I made the decision to prepare my personal poultry.

I loosely followed the instructions given by Chef John from Food Wishes, and wouldn’t you know it: The results looked beautiful! Of course it tasted like turkey, which is nothing to write home about, but “tastes like turkey” is a good indication that my effort was a stunning success.

After letting it rest, I stripped the carcass of all its meat and packed it all in Chinese takeout containers. I then stacked the containers in the fridge. It was a lot of work, but I actually did a pretty good job of carving my first bird too. I even took some to my dad, but the rest will be used for many lunches and dinners as well as occasional dog treats for this week.

Oh, and yeah… I still have to go to the family Thanksgiving for the “official” turkey dinner on Thursday as well. I think I can pull off a look of excitement when the dinner is served so no one will suspect my brazen disregard for family tradition.

Kudos

So here we go again. We’ve got more jokes this week… Some from George, maybe a joke or two from Glenn, and maybe something I saw on another website. Of couse you could slip in a joke or two by using our submission page or sending them to flush2x@gmail.com.

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln

Pax,

-f2x

So What Else is There to Talk About?

It’s going to be a while before Gail grows out of her “cute” stage, and I’d rather not limit the “Sunday Rant” to a singular topic. While I suppose featuring a weekly picture of her would be harmless, I would like to move on to other topics.

The trouble is, I can’t really think of anything I want to talk about this week. I know what’s on my mind, but I know better than to open my mouth on certain subjects… And no, it’s not because I fear the PC police… OK, well maybe a little, but actually it is because when you make certain personal views public, that’s when people pigeon hole you and say, “that’s all this guy is about”.

Ooo! Ooo! I know what I’d like to talk about: How come every other webcomic out there is mentioned on either Wikipedia or TV Tropes or some other quasi-authoritative medium, but PitP is totally off the radar? How is it that even bad webcomics with only 16 pages created by a 14 year old 7 years ago has third party acknowledgement, but a webcomic that has been active for nearly 16 years is still only vaguely known to exist by a handful of search engines, and then only after you type in some arcane phrase?

On second thought, I’d better not talk about this. I can already feel the pigeon hole closing in, and if anyone ever did review this site and/or comic, whatever they wrote would probably just annoy me.

I should just count obscurity as one of my blessings.

Kudos

And speaking of obscure blessings, I want to thank ole George and Glenn for continuing to email me jokes. You know, a lot of these jokes are just FWD’s that have been handed down from e-mail to e-mail over the years. You can help give these wandering jokes a new home here by copy/pasting the joke on our submission page. You could also forward your FWD’s to flush2x@gmail.com.

“The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made His greatest gifts the commonest.”
― Martin Luther

Pax,

-f2x

It’s suppose to be Sunday’s Rant,

_{not Gail’s weekly update.}

So how’s the new pup?

She’s fine.

At a certain point, their really is not anything worth reporting. Gail is getting bigger, she eats, sleeps, poops, pees, and attacks me in my sleep at 3 o’clock in the morning because she wants to play.

She digs in the yard, chases the cat, and runs from the vacuum cleaner. It is your basic dog stuff.

Of course she is quite a bit bigger now, and she keeps growing. At 14 weeks Gail weighs 27 pounds (12kg). Online estimation calculators suggest she will ultimately weigh between 62 and 68 pounds (~30kg), and personally I am hoping we can do better than that.

So unless she does something noteworthy, I’m going to put this topic to bed for a while. Puppies are cute and all, but there is more to life than blogging about them.

Kudos

Let’s keep this brief: Thanks for the jokes, Glenn and George. Here’s our submission page. My e-mail address is flush2x@gmail.com.

“Opinion has caused more trouble on this little earth than plagues or earthquakes.” -Voltaire

Pax,

-f2x

Canine Quintessence

So today’s problem is that Gail seems to lack any inkling of empathy. Sure, to outside observers she seems adorable, but behind those cute puppy eyes, I get the feeling that there’s no one actually there.

To contrast with Grace, I could feel the presence of another soul, as in literally feel it. This might sound a little crazy, even a little macabre, but hear me out.

As I held on to Grace during her euthanasia, I felt her presence leaving after the first injection and said so out loud. The vet then informed me that she was in fact dying at that very moment. He told me the first injection was actually lethal, and that even if he did nothing else, she would still die, but it would just take longer. The second injection is used to get it over with and immediately stop the heart.

It was a shitty time to learn that little bit of trivia, but I digress.

The point is, I can feel that presence… that ghost inside. It’s something that is real. You can feel it when you hug someone verses hugging a pillow. It’s not just their pulse, their warmth, and the rise and fall of their chest as they breath. There is something in them. I like to think it is their soul.

You know, for some reason I cannot remember a whole lot about Grace’s transition from puppy to dog. That first year was a bit of a blur, but it seemed like from the start that she was in there. I don’t get that same sense with Gail. As spunky and lively as Gail is, it’s like she’s a simulation of a dog.

I dunno… Maybe it takes time for that spark to develop. On the plus side, she continues to grow at an astonishing rate, she seems genuinely content, she eats her dog food, begs for dog treats, has endless energy to play with me and her toys, is very healthy, and has adjusted well to her new home… If only it felt like she were actually in there.

Kudos

OK, it’s the usual spiel. You can thank George and/or Glenn for this week’s jokes. Not that anyone else would ever bother, but the submission page is still there… gathering dust. I’ve also got an interesting spam collection happening with flush2x@gmail.com, but you could also send me jokes through that e-mail address as well.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

Pax,

-f2x

Poco a Poco

And now it’s time for the weekly Gail report.

I have had nearly 4 weeks with my new pup, and Gail is now 12 weeks old. It is utterly amazing how long that four weeks feels, but also how much progress has been made. Just yesterday she was able to go down the back door stairs for the first time.

This is a huge breakthrough, since she has to go down three steps in order to go outside. Once she started doing it on her own, we practiced again and again, down the stairs, out the door, around the yard, in the door, up the stairs, and have a treat! Huzzah!

And after all that, she still went in and pissed on the carpet, but that’s what the Bissel is for… That’s also why I’m replacing the wall to wall carpet with the sheet vinyl flooring that I purchased from Home Depot a couple weeks ago. It looks like real wood. I’m installing it myself, so it might take me a while.

One other thing Gail has managed to accomplish is getting up onto the couch on her own. She’s still working on being able to jump up onto the bed, but for now there is a step she can use to climb up on her own.

She fully grasps the concept of her name, and usually obeys “come here”. We’re also making pretty good progress on “stay”, and most importantly, “Let it go” with regards to the cat. As Gail has gotten bigger, putting an end to her predatory cat chasing is an absolute priority.

Of course to train her, I grab her by the neck and slam her against the wall as hard as I can while yelling, “Let it go!” She usually drops the cat after the first three slams, but more recently it feels like she’s finally starting to take the hint and avoid the cat altogether… Don’t I wish… If I’m not there to say, “A-Ah! Let it go!” followed by a treat, she will chase Alex like a walking squeak toy.

And that’s why four weeks feels like forever. A few nights ago she picked up her water dish and slung it around the kitchen while I was doing the dishes, then she chased the cat while I stumbled around on the newly installed “Slip ‘N Slide”.

But then she curled up next to me in bed last night and slept like a little angel, and for a moment I thought, it’s going to be all right.

Kudos

Once again, a big shout out to Glenn and George, and a reminder that our submission page is for sumbitting jokes, not spammy garbage about making money on YouTube. Same can be said for using flush2x@gmail.com as well. Great for sending jokes, but at least Google does a fine job of filtering out the junk.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

Pax,

-f2x