Category Archives: Sunday’s Rant

Longest Days of the Year

If you live in the northern hemisphere (as I do) this is the time of year when days last the longest. Even though I’m a bit of a night owl, I absolutely love it. After all, I sleep best when the sun is up, and there’s still plenty of daylight left to enjoy when I finally awake.

Changing the tagline

So adding in weekend jokes was a bust. This coming weekend is the last weekend in the queue, and the visitor numbers are simply abysmal. Don’t worry, I’m not going to shut down just because no one is showing up anymore. I’m in this for the long haul. They’ll have to pry this site from my cold dead hands, or at least put a crap-ton of money in them. Quite frankly I don’t think anyone cares enough to do either.

So my latest scheme is to simply change the tagline from “Once for the bulk and again for the remainder” to “Comics and Joke of the Day”. OK, so it’s not really so much a scheme as it is ditching the nondescript reference to a line from “Family Guy” and replacing it with what the site is actually about: Jokes and Comics. It’s what we do, so let’s reflect that in the tagline.

Any Requests?

So I keep making changes here and there that I think will improve the site. A clean layout, easy navigation, reliable daily joke, and an occasional comic seem to be the main features, but I was just wondering if anyone out there had any thoughts or ideas about a direction for Flush Twice to expand into. Should we market swag or perhaps provide a forum? I’m up for new ideas, so click here scroll down and leave a comment with your ideas.

Pax,

-f2x

A Word About Star Rating

In case anyone was wondering, the star ratings are not “seeded” here at Flush Twice. I personally never click on the stars to rate the jokes. Why? Because the star ratings are one of the best metrics I have to see what works, and what doesn’t. If I put my own rating on it, then I’d contaminate the survey and lose the useful information of what people actually thought about the jokes.

I’d also like to thank my anonymous “rating regulars” who’ve been giving me their honest feedback on the jokes. I really appreciate your dedication. It may sting a little when you leave a one star rating, but I’m grateful when you do, because it’s nice to know when a joke I honestly thought would work… totally sucked a lot.

Of course if this is your first visit, please rate the joke you just read. First impressions are the best, so don’t hesitate! Ignore what other people gave it. Love it or hate it, go with your gut and click away!

Again, thanks to everyone who rates the jokes and comics.

Pax,

f2x

Even Lower Than Before

Up until the 20th of May, things were looking pretty good, but now the daily numbers continue to suffer. I’ve got a theory, but I could be wrong. Judging by the visitors I’m currently getting, it looks as though there aren’t as many bots. They look as if they are real people. If this is the case, then I’m not actually losing visitors… I’m just catching a break from the bots that have plagued Flush Twice for the past decade.

Perhaps the hosting companies are finally patching their systems, but I’m guessing the botnets are regrouping for an even uglier assault. We shall see.

Weekend Jokes Won’t Last

Here’s the deal: 5 days a week is about 260 jokes a year. 7 days a week means I need to scrounge up another 105 more. I’m not saying it isn’t possible… I’m saying that given the amount of money I’m being paid to do this job ($zero), it’s not worth pushing myself that hard.

Five per week is fair enough. I only started posting on the weekends because I wanted to see if it would gain Flush Twice more visitors, and that’s been a total bust.

The good news is that since there’s a bunch of jokes already scheduled, weekend jokes will continue through June. In July, we revert back to Monday through Friday.

“Comics?”

Thanks for asking. As you know, the jokes are more like “found content” because people just e-mail them to me, and I clean them up (editing/formatting/grammar/spelling/tense/etc.)and re-post them here. It doesn’t require too much creativity. It’s more like an assembly line job.

Comics, on the other hand, require me to come up with something somewhat original. It takes time to come up with the idea, time to make the art, time to format the post, time to fix the mistakes I made along the way… Yeah, it takes time, and right now I’m using my spare time to get things done around the house, get some rest, and help out family and friends.

Once I get things cleaned up, get some rest, and people stop bugging me, then I’ll get back to making comics. Til then,

Pax,

-f2x

So much for that idea

A week ago Saturday, I decided to try posting jokes over the weekend to see if it would boost weekend visitors. The result? Fewer visitors not just on the weekend, but throughout the week as well.

So naturally this made me very unhappy. Nevertheless, I shall continue posting weekend jokes for the time being. To those of you who still bother to tune in, you’re welcome.

Pax,

-f2x

PS: I’m done with the Pathos series…

                            …for now.

Bonus Weekend!

Usually I don’t post jokes on Saturday/Sunday, but something’s piqued my curiosity enough to get me to do it. It has to do with the daily number of visitors that the site gets. The lion’s share is always referrals from Google’s search results.

So the question I have is this: Why do I get significantly fewer visits on the weekends? Is it because there are fewer people searching for jokes on the weekends, or is it because Google doesn’t think Flush Twice is good enough because there weren’t any new jokes on the weekend?

So I’m going to post weekend jokes for a while and see what happens to the numbers. Heck, it could just be that fewer people waste their time on the internet on the weekends. But I need to know the answer to the question: “What happens if I post jokes on the weekend?”

Continuing the Pathos Project

I also want to remind people that I’m running some nonsense panels on the side called, “Pathos in the Plumbing”. Perhaps practice can make proficiency, and if I stop worrying about whether or not it’s any good, in time making good ones won’t be any harder than making bad ones.

Pax,

-f2x

The Pathos Series

This past Friday I spontaneously introduced a sidebar panel. The idea is that I can make more comics if I just stick to a single panel and not try to make it any good. Basically, it’s mindless eye candy.

Back in the day, I used to put out a daily panel. It wasn’t easy, but I kept it pretty simple. It evolved into a multi-panel serial comic that’s rarely updated. That’s kind of like- not having any comic at all.

How often is “Pathos in the Plumbing” expected to be updated? I’m not sure yet, but I’m aiming for quantity over quality, and while it isn’t meant to replace the serial, it will most likely conflict with the serial and even retard its production.

This doesn’t mean I’m abandoning the main serial. On the contrary. I’m using the Pathos series as practice. That’s why it’s OK if the panels suck or completely lack any sort of reason or sense. I need the exercise, and it would be kind of a waste to bury these synaptic excretions.

Again, I just want to mention: It’s not supposed to be anything particularly well written or produced… It’s some of the pathos leaking out of my mind. Try not to take it seriously.

Pax,

f2x

I’m not really in the mood for this.

This past week was generally uneventful, and for the most part I’ve just been taking things kinda easy. And why not? Usually things don’t seem to go my way, so when the forces of the universe ease off, I think I’m entitled to a little R & R.

So I’ve got a lot of things to do today, and among them are mowing the lawn, rearranging the furniture, and getting things ready for the coming work week. Oh, and the jokes… I still have to get those in the queue. It doesn’t look as though I’m going to have time to work on the comic.

What happened with the comic? Well back in March, I had a major debilitating incident with my back. As a result I replaced my computer desk chair with a La-Z-Boy, and got rid of the computer desk. Now I surf the internet from the recliner. While it’s more comfortable for surfing, it’s absolutely worthless for creating and editing graphics.

So I’m going to try to rearrange a few things… Maybe it will work, but probably not… but if it does, then it might help me get back to working on the comic.

Still Plagued by Computer Woes

So if you tuned in on Friday… Oh wait, you couldn’t have because the servers at IX Webhosting barfed, and Flush Twice was offline from 2:30pm Thursday until 6:30am Saturday.

Also, I decided to reformat/re-install my primary computer here at home on Thursday, so I was kind of out of the loop when it all went down. This computer is still having a connectivity issue I’m not quite sure how to handle, but overall it’s working a lot better than it was when I took it out of service a while back.

My backup computer is is a netbook. I’m beginning to think it’s infected with the Stuxnet virus because it thinks the cooling fan is an Iranian centrifuge. It’s weird how the system temp goes really low- like around 40°C – and the fan is still in maximum overdrive. I’m going to have to take this one apart and go at it with some canned air.

And while Flush Twice is back online (for now), it’s still doing something very weird backstage that I don’t like. I may have to format and reinstall this one as well.

But for right now, at this very moment, things are working. It’s Sunday and I want to take a day off to rest. I’ll work on this stuff next Saturday, and perhaps the weekend after that as well. If it all goes to shit between now and then, you’re on your own.

Pax,

-f2x

Without going into a lot of boring detail, my computers (yes plural) are giving me fits again. Even Flush Twice seems to be getting a bit wonky, so if you notice any odd, undesired behavior, you can be sure that no one here knows how to fix it.

Aside from the usual headaches, I’m back to working a shit-ton of overtime at the moment… Oh wait, you’re always hearing me talk about how much overtime I get… Do I ever not get a lot of overtime? Well sure… It’s just that I don’t announce it when I’m only getting 40 hours.

So let’s do the math: I’m having computer issues plus a busy schedule, and before you know it we’re back on hiatus.

Pax,

f2x

The Save-A-Lot Experience

I gotta tell ya, I’m a cheap bastard. So you better believe I was one happy little fucker when I found out that a Save-A-Lot was going in at the end of my street. I’ve seen their ads in my junk mail and the newspapers at work for years. It was usually the jaw dropping meat prices that got my attention. They also seemed to have pretty good deals on produce as well.

So after months of waiting for them to renovate a vacant building, they finally opened their new store. When I made the time to take a look, I was dismayed that the rest of the old shopping plaza was still a run down dump, but the new store front looked very fresh and modern from the outside.

When I got inside, things seemed pretty normal at first. They had the endcap items and then you’d see that same items a little further down the aisle, then you’d see it again a few aisles over, and pretty soon you start to wonder if the person who did the store layout also does video game design.

Of course there weren’t any of those earth shattering sales going on this week, but I did pick up a can of Vienna sausages for 45¢. I found out later that they leave out the middle sausage so they can pass the savings on to you! They also had a loaf of bread for 89¢. I didn’t notice it at the time but the slices were childishly small and could make Donald Trump’s hands look huge. Of course the off-brand names were kind of entertaining as well. It was pure genius to name a carbonated beverage “Dr. Pop”.

But the one telltale sign that let me know exactly the kind of place I was in, was the smell of the clientele. Stale cigarettes and beer filled the air as the country music played quietly over the store’s PA. These weren’t Costco shoppers; these were purgatorians.

But still, it’s another grocery option on my way home from work, and their prices are generally decent. Just remember to bring your own shopping bags.

Pax,

-f2x