Category Archives: Sunday’s Rant

Reclaiming the Site from Spambots (again)

I had a pretty good htaccess file there for a while, but when I re-installed WordPress, I accidentally deleted it. Almost immediately I saw four times the visitors I normally would, and for some reason they were interested in finding the login page, checking random non-existent plugin directories, and letting me know that they were referred here from spammymcspammer.com.

Fortunately they still haven’t figured out webvitalii’s “Anti-spam” plugin, so I haven’t seen any comment spam at all.

Meanwhile, my ranking with Google seems to be slipping a bit. Maybe it’s because I went on hiatus during the summer, or maybe Flush Twice is becoming less relevant. In any event, I’m not seeing as many legitimate referrals as I used to get, and that means a lot fewer people are actually visiting.

I guess it’s a good thing I do it for the love of the jokes, instead of basing my self-worth on how many visitors I get.

Pax,

-f2x

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Are You Ready For Some Jokes?!

OK everybody, I’m finally ready to come back now. The sight has received a fresh install of WordPress, all the plugins are up to date, the database has been cleaned and polished to a high gloss finish, and I finally tracked down one of my primary contributors… who probably doesn’t know that they are a contributor.

I’m just saying that things are finally getting back to normal around here., While the summer heat may not be entirely gone, it has started to wane as we enter into fall. I’m feeling much better, and we should be able to resume normal daily jokes starting tomorrow!

Huzzah!

With the good comes the bad.

See the black lab in the picture up there? That’s my dog. Her name is Grace. She’s had a rough summer. Grace had to have surgery to remove a mast cell tumor from her tummy. Sadly, the histopathology report on the tumor wasn’t the best. It seems that while they went deep enough, they didn’t go wide enough. On the bright side, it’s a low grade MCT, so her prognosis isn’t necessarily terrible.

For my fellow viewers with four legged family, please give them a hug for me, and say a prayer for Grace.

Pax,

-f2x

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The Hiatus Continues…

But on the bright side, I re-installed WordPress (again) and fixed some of those irritating glitches I’ve been experiencing. The “Random!” tab is back on the menu, and now when I post something into the queue, it doesn’t give me a blank screen while only saving part of it to “Drafts”.

So in my last “News” post, I mentioned that we’d be back in mid to late September with new jokes. You may be asking, “Does that time frame still stand?” Basically we will be posting new jokes on Monday, September 26… Unless I decide to start posting them sooner.

“So ‘maybe sooner’? Why you gotta play with us like that?”

Well, the truth is, I’m ready today! The summer heat has started to back off a little, and I’m not feeling quite so worn out… But my contributors are not giving me any new material. Right now it looks like I’ll have to copy paste more shit from /r/jokes if my current sources don’t pick it up, or I can’t find some new sources.

So there it is… We’ll definitely be posting jokes by 9/26 or sooner if I can find another mother lode of jokes.

Pax,

-f2x

[Comments]

Summer Hiatus

Hoo boy… I really hate to do this to you guys. We were having a really good run too. Unfortunately with my job and the summer heat, I really don’t want to be staring at the computer screen unless it’s to look at pictures of glaciers and snow capped mountains. This past week has left me feeling quite nauseous from the heat, and since I’m out of payed vacation time at my day job, that means I need to take a vacation from this place to try to recoup. As of today, I’ve switched the system over to generate a random page until fall, or whenever the heat breaks.

So basically, we’re showing re-runs for the next two months.

Remember, this is a hiatus, not a funeral. Every time you reload the page there will be five (5) jokes randomly selected from the archives. Enjoy the random jokes. We’ve got a lot of ’em.

Oh, BTW: The site has a bunch of glitches in it right now… They aren’t immediately apparent, but they are there. One of the glitches makes it impractical to allow voting on the random jokes, so it was disabled. I may or may not invoke some maintenance mode at some point to try and repair some glitches that the site has developed.

Again, I just was to stress that I’m only taking a break for the summer and we will resume adding new entries in mid to late September.

Pax,

-f2x

[Comments]

Very, VERY Busy

It’s like watching the world on fast forward. Where the heck am I going to find the time to get all the things done that I need to do? Thank goodness I have the support of friends and family to get through the rough spots.

Of course no one is helping me with putting together new comics at the moment (not that anyone ever has), so that’s why there hasn’t been any new ones lately. I’d like to make some new ones, I really would, but who has the time?

It looks like July is just bananas, so if I get a moment to catch my breath, I’ll try and get back to the story.

Now with Less Sex Appeal!

After last week’s dearth of sexy jokes, I gave it some thought and realized something. Some weeks all we have are sex related jokes. Now I like all jokes no matter their genre just so long as they’re funny. That being said, I’m going to actively try including more jokes that aren’t sexual in nature. So how do you feel about this? Let me know in the comments.

Pax,

-f2x

It’s Fucking Hot

This past week was brutal, and next week doesn’t look much better. I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to putting up with heat, but nevertheless, it’s been hot outside lately.

How hot was it?

It’s been so hot, the birds are using potholders to take the worms out of the dirt.

It’s been so hot, I bought a loaf of bread, and when I got home I had a loaf of toast!

It’s been so hot, the catfish are already fried when you catch them!

That’s how hot it’s been, and it’s only going to get worse!

Cleaner Jokes?

I take ’em as I get ’em, but here lately I’ve noticed that more of the jokes have been less sexual in nature. It’s been a nice change of pace, and I’d like to have more clean jokes. Alas it reminds me of that famous limerick:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical

Into space that is quite economical.

But the good ones I’ve seen

So seldom are clean

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

Pax,

-f2x

Proud to be a ‘Merkin!

Break out the bunting; it’s that time of year again. This is a special holiday season for me since I’m getting a three day weekend! Woo-hoo!

While I do love this country, I’m not particularly partial to American exceptionalism. Jingoism just reeks of being dreadfully dull and tacky. On the other hand, I can’t think of any other country I’d rather be living in at the moment. The food here is simply the best, and despite what you may have heard, the water is actually safe to drink. While the United States may not be perfect, it is a really terrific place to live and work.

If there’s one thing I hate about the US, it’s all the polarizing politics. This is a presidential election year, so it’s a little worse than usual. To be fair, it’s nothing compared with the previous four elections but still enough to make me gnash my teeth. I’m just going to put all that stuff to the side and enjoy this Independence day.

Still going strong after 240 years! Happy 4^th of July!

Pax,

-f2x

Cutting the Lawn(s)

Usually on Sunday, weather permitting, I cut my grass. As a courtesy I also cut the front lawns of my neighbor’s homes as well. It’s something I started doing a few years ago. These are small yards, and it’s really no trouble… Until it gets hot out… and naturally it’s usually hot out when the grass gets growing.

Of course the neighbor to the south is a renter. She never cuts her lawn herself, and it’s not a service offered in her lease either. About once every month and a half she’d hire a bunch of guys to cut her grass… poorly. This year I started doing her front and back yard as well. Partly because I’m a nice guy, but since she lives on a corner it stands out as an eyesore if I don’t.

In a way, it’s become a bit of a spectacle to see me stretching my extension cord across the neighborhood cutting all these lawns. I think it may have inspired others to get out there and make their lawns look neat and trim. I have to admit that in the 15 years I’ve lived in my house, I’ve never seen the yards on my street look quite so tidy.

New Logo

Just wanted to include a quick mention that I put up a new “logo” with the site’s new tagline, “Comics and Joke of the Day”. The “Once for the bulk…” text is actually built into the header image, so give me a week or two to come up with a new header.

Last of the Weekend Jokes

Just a reminder that next Saturday and Sunday there will be no new jokes posted. We’re going back to the Monday-Friday arrangement. The number of visits to the site actually went down since I started posting weekend jokes. Coincidence? Most likely. I don’t think people started avoiding this place because I posted more jokes, but they sure as hell didn’t flock to the site either.

5 jokes a week. If you don’t like it, start your own JOTD!

Pax,

-f2x

Longest Days of the Year

If you live in the northern hemisphere (as I do) this is the time of year when days last the longest. Even though I’m a bit of a night owl, I absolutely love it. After all, I sleep best when the sun is up, and there’s still plenty of daylight left to enjoy when I finally awake.

Changing the tagline

So adding in weekend jokes was a bust. This coming weekend is the last weekend in the queue, and the visitor numbers are simply abysmal. Don’t worry, I’m not going to shut down just because no one is showing up anymore. I’m in this for the long haul. They’ll have to pry this site from my cold dead hands, or at least put a crap-ton of money in them. Quite frankly I don’t think anyone cares enough to do either.

So my latest scheme is to simply change the tagline from “Once for the bulk and again for the remainder” to “Comics and Joke of the Day”. OK, so it’s not really so much a scheme as it is ditching the nondescript reference to a line from “Family Guy” and replacing it with what the site is actually about: Jokes and Comics. It’s what we do, so let’s reflect that in the tagline.

Any Requests?

So I keep making changes here and there that I think will improve the site. A clean layout, easy navigation, reliable daily joke, and an occasional comic seem to be the main features, but I was just wondering if anyone out there had any thoughts or ideas about a direction for Flush Twice to expand into. Should we market swag or perhaps provide a forum? I’m up for new ideas, so click here scroll down and leave a comment with your ideas.

Pax,

-f2x

A Word About Star Rating

In case anyone was wondering, the star ratings are not “seeded” here at Flush Twice. I personally never click on the stars to rate the jokes. Why? Because the star ratings are one of the best metrics I have to see what works, and what doesn’t. If I put my own rating on it, then I’d contaminate the survey and lose the useful information of what people actually thought about the jokes.

I’d also like to thank my anonymous “rating regulars” who’ve been giving me their honest feedback on the jokes. I really appreciate your dedication. It may sting a little when you leave a one star rating, but I’m grateful when you do, because it’s nice to know when a joke I honestly thought would work… totally sucked a lot.

Of course if this is your first visit, please rate the joke you just read. First impressions are the best, so don’t hesitate! Ignore what other people gave it. Love it or hate it, go with your gut and click away!

Again, thanks to everyone who rates the jokes and comics.

Pax,

f2x