Two older women were fussing about their husbands over tea.
“I do wish my Gerald would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous,” the first one said.
“Oh, my Ian used to do the same thing,” the other woman commented. “But I broke him of that habit real quick.”
“What did you do?” asked the first.
“I hid his teeth.”
“You certainly look different today,” Pam mentioned to Tonya.
“Really?” she replied.
“Yes. Your hair seems a little more curly, and you have this wide-eyed look,” explained Pam. “Did you use special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up?”
“No,” replied Tonya “My stupid vibrator shorted out this morning.”
A police dispatcher received a call from a distraught blonde whose house had been ransacked and burglarized.
The dispatcher broadcast the call over the channels. It just so happened a K-9 unit was patrolling the area, and was the first to arrive on the scene. The K-9 officer got out of the vehicle and approached the house with his dog on a leash.
Waiting on the porch, the blonde clapped a hand to her head. “I don’t believe this,” she complained. “I came home from work to find all my stuff stolen, and now the police department is sending me a blind cop!”
Harry had just gotten a beat-up old VW beetle from a used car lot. He took it for a spin but misjudged a curve and overturned the car.
The car tumbled until it landed directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Ball.
Luckily for Harry, he was pulled out by the Smiths
Emotions were running high. The continual heckling and outbursts within the courtroom kept disrupting the trial.
Having had enough, the judge sternly warned, “The next person who interrupts these proceedings will be thrown out of my court!”
To which the defendant yelled, “Hooray!”
Yet Another Reinstall?
So about a year or so ago, Linux Mint released LMDE 3. It was the latest successor to their Debian branch, and sadly, the developers chose not to support the Mate desktop environment. This left me with 3 options: 1) Stick with LMDE 2, 2) Install LMDE 3, then install Mate, or 3) Install the Ubuntu based Linux Mint.
The first one was a non-starter. I wanted the latest and greatest, and felt I had already waited too long.
At the time I chose the second option because I wanted to stay in the more pure Debian ecosystem for a contradictory reason: The Debian edition is supported longer, so there are fewer format/re-install cycles.
I avoided the third option for the worst reason: The snob factor. Let’s face it, Ubuntu users are very near the lowest in the Linux hierarchy. Ubuntu is Linux for the non-technical, Ubuntu is for the lazy, Ubuntu is for the idiot, and now Ubuntu is for me.
There were a few other reasons to favor the Debian edition over the Ubuntu variety, but something was irking me and if I didn’t leave the Debian universe, I would involuntarily blame that “irk” on Debian.
Sadly, the Ubuntu edition still contained that “final” irk, but all the irks up to that point were actually gone. It wasn’t Debian though… It was LMDE 3’s refusal to support a Mate edition.
By the way, that final “irk” had to do with VLC. It’s my preferred media player, and after the latest update, it’s been glitching when you are watching video in full screen.
It might just be my machine, but it’s a relentless glitch that causes the player on screen controls to not want to reappear when you jog the mouse, and the keyboard controls stop working as well.
When I press the space bar, the movie I’m watching had bloody well stop!
Alas, the problem persists under the Ubuntu branch of Linux Mint, so I know it wasn’t just my Debian install. I will not be going back to LMDE 3, however. The Ubuntu system basically looks and feels the same, and shedding a couple of other minor issues that I wasn’t able to fix on my own is a kind of a big plus.
So yeah, if you’re still playing games on Windows, I understand. You’ve got your priorities, and I respect that. I just really enjoy the feeling of the Mate desktop environment powered by Linux… glitches and all.
Kudos
Just another shout out to Glenn and George for supplying this week’s jokes. How do you tell who sends what? Glenn’s jokes are the dirtier ones. So thanks guys. If anyone else would like to add to the collection, please head over to our submission page or send them to flush2x@gmail.com.
Did anyone tell you how beautiful you are? I could just stare into those eyes of yours all day long. You really are something special. Have a great week!
Pax,
-f2x
A couple had been married for 45 years. Together they had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife explained, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”
“I’m finished with Denise!” Tom announced to his friend.
“You’re breaking off the engagement?” his buddy asked in shock. “What happened? What did she do?”
“She broke down and told me she was bisexual,” explained Tom.
“That’s all? It really bothers you that much?” the friend asked.
“Yeah!” shouted Tom in disgust. “Who in their right mind would marry a woman who only had sex twice a year?”
Although they had been in remarkably good health, an 85 year old couple died in a car crash.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion complete with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
“It’s free,” Peter replied, “You’re in Heaven.”
Next they went out back to survey the golf course behind the home. They could go golfing everyday and every week the course would magically change to a new one so they’d never get bored.
The old man asked, “How much is the greens fee?”
Peter replied, “This is heaven. You play for free.”
Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet.
“How much to eat?” asked the old man.
“Don’t you understand yet?” Peter replied with some exasperation. “This is heaven. It is free!”
“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol dishes?” the old man asked timidly.
Peter lectured, “That’s the best part! You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. It’s OK. This is Heaven.”
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, threw down his hat and stomped on it while shrieking wildly.
Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, and asked him what was wrong.
The old man glared at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”
