Author Archives: f2x

The Not so Instant Pot

I was thinking about getting a rice cooker. My old microwave used to make perfect rice, but my new microwave doesn’t pull it off quite so well. I think it had something to do with the old microwave being so old it had the power output of an incandescent bulb that reacted with the magic rust on the interior to produce Krieger waves. Newer microwaves can’t begin to run that shitty.

My old recipe was a couple cups of rice, three cups of water, a couple tablespoons of oil, a tablespoon of powered chicken bouillon, a teaspoon of garlic powder, a chopped onion. a couple cups of frozen peas and carrots, a can of sliced mushrooms, and a finely diced boneless/skinless chicken breast. Stir it up in a very large glass mixing bowl, and nuke it for about 30 minutes. On my old microwave, it worked perfectly every time, but I would advise you not to try this at home as my new microwave doesn’t yield the same results.

That’s when I started thinking about getting a rice cooker. After much hem hawing, I ended up with a $44 Instant Pot Duo Mini from Amazon, and the first thing I did was use it to make plain white rice. The fact that following all the instructions was a bit more complicated than making babies didn’t phase me. No, the part that shook me was that all the hype about cooking a meal in 5 minutes was total horseshit.

So yeah… You set the “timer” for 4 minutes, but that puppy doesn’t kick in until the damn thing gets up to temp… and that takes nearly 20 minutes. Even after the timer stops cooking, you still have to let it sit for another 15 to 20. Ultimately it took around 40 minutes to cook a cup of rice. I could have cooked it on my stovetop in far less time.

But to be fair, it was really good rice.

I’ve since adapted my old microwave rice recipe to the Instant Pot. Everything is the same, but only use 2 cups of water instead of 3, because you don’t have to take the evaporation into account. It comes out perfect every time, and it makes a ton of fluffy delicious rice in about 45 minutes.

And that’s about all I’ve done with the damn thing.

Kudos

OK, so you know how this next part goes. Thanks, George and Glenn… although I did have to steal a couple of jokes from the net to fill out all five days. As you know, we have our submission page if anyone would like to help out, and my email is still flush2x@gmail.com, if you’d care to send jokes that way instead.

If you are reading this, it means you are blessed, and great fortune will soon find you.

Pax,

-f2x

Home Improv-ment

So I bought a countertop dishwasher. It’s for people who don’t have enough space for a regular sized dishwasher. You’re supposed to put it on your countertop, plug it into a nearby electrical outlet, put this special adapter on your faucet, and plug the water hoses into the faucet adapter. It actually cleans dishes just like a regular full size dishwasher.

The problem is, it’s not really all that compact. I put it on my countertop and it took up the whole damn counter. So I tried using an old microwave cart that I had in the basement, but there were significant issues with that too. Basically it was not nearly as convenient as I hoped it would be, but it did such a nice job on the dishes!

I read somewhere online that a guy put one under his cabinet and hardwired it into the plumbing. “That’s what I ought to do!” I said to myself. And so I cleaned out the cabinet adjacent to the sink and stuck it under there. Sure, I’m losing cabinet space, but I’m gaining a modern convenience in a century old house.

Now the electric part was easy. Drilled a big hole straight down into the basement. Ran some ROMEX over to the site, and installed an outlet. Tada! Houston, we’ve got power! Now getting the water hooked up isn’t going so well.

The hose fittings on this thing are all non-standard, and none of the hardware stores seem to have anything that will help me connect it to my PEX. This is a major bummer, and while I saw where one guy on the internet who said he connected it in this way, there are no how-to’s to guide me.

There’s no happy ending to this one, but I’m still working on it. Hopefully I will find something that will make everything fall into place. When that happens I’ll come back and let you know.

Kudos

Well, it looks like the joke database is getting pretty full, so I guess we don’t need anymore… Just kidding. The jokes for this week were provided by my friends, Glenn and George. Thanks, guys. You can be a part of the show too, just drop by our submission page for more details. You can also send jokes or other inquiries to flush2x@gmail.com.

You are charming and talented, and people enjoy your company. Have a great week.

Pax,

-f2x