Author Archives: f2x

Sunday, November 24, 2019

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My First Turkey!

Though I have never made out a bucket list, there are a few simple things I would like to have done before I leave this earth… And preferably looong before I kick the bucket. This week I finally did something that most people would find to be rather ho-hum.

Meijer had whole turkeys on sale for 33¢/pound, and I was able to pick up a 21 pound bird for $7! Since the generation over me still holds an iron grip on the Thanksgiving gatherings, I’ve never actually had any first hand experience with roasting a turkey.

It may seem odd to you, but roasting a whole turkey has a kind of sacred place among my kinfolk. Surreptitiously preparing your own fowl could merit dirty looks and scorn during family events. In their eyes, turkey should only be prepared by the anointed elders, so this was a rather bold move on my part.

Not really. I’ve been living on my own for my entire adult life, and I’m about a half a century old. I couldn’t give two shits what the family fossils think anymore. But there was still a twinge of angst when I made the decision to prepare my personal poultry.

I loosely followed the instructions given by Chef John from Food Wishes, and wouldn’t you know it: The results looked beautiful! Of course it tasted like turkey, which is nothing to write home about, but “tastes like turkey” is a good indication that my effort was a stunning success.

After letting it rest, I stripped the carcass of all its meat and packed it all in Chinese takeout containers. I then stacked the containers in the fridge. It was a lot of work, but I actually did a pretty good job of carving my first bird too. I even took some to my dad, but the rest will be used for many lunches and dinners as well as occasional dog treats for this week.

Oh, and yeah… I still have to go to the family Thanksgiving for the “official” turkey dinner on Thursday as well. I think I can pull off a look of excitement when the dinner is served so no one will suspect my brazen disregard for family tradition.

Kudos

So here we go again. We’ve got more jokes this week… Some from George, maybe a joke or two from Glenn, and maybe something I saw on another website. Of couse you could slip in a joke or two by using our submission page or sending them to flush2x@gmail.com.

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln

Pax,

-f2x

Grocery Shopping with the Baby

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A young man was pushing a screaming, bellowing baby in the cart at the supermarket.

The man kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert. Albert, don’t scream. It’s no good yelling, Albert. We’ll be home soon, Albert. Albert, keep calm.”

An observant woman approached the young man and said, “You certainly are to be commended for showing such patience with little Albert.”

The man rolled his eyes at the woman and said, “Lady, the kid’s name is Charlie. I’m Albert.”

Two Plus Two, Point of View

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A mathematician, an accountant, and an economist were all vying for the same job.

The interviewer called in the mathematician and asked “What does two plus two equal?”

The mathematician replied “That’s easy. Two plus two equals exactly four.”

Next the interviewer called in the accountant and asked the same question.

The accountant explained “Typically four, give or take ten percent, but on average, two plus two is about four.”

Finally the interviewer called in the economist and posed the same question, “What does two plus two equal?”

The economist got up, locked the door, closed the shades, and sat down next to the interviewer before asking, “What do you want it to equal?”

Green Side Up!

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A contractor was speaking with a client about painting some offices she had on the third floor.

“In this area of the office,” the client instructed, “I would like a pale blue.”

The contractor wrote it down, then went to the window, opened it, and yelled, “Green side up!”

In the second room, she told the contractor, “I’d like this office area painted in a soft yellow.”

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and again yelled “Green side up!”

The client was curious, but said nothing.

In the third area, the client said, “I would like this area painted a warm rose color.”

As had been done the previous two times, the contractor wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled, “Green side up!”

Unable to contain her curiosity, the client then asked, “Why do you keep yelling ‘Green side up’?”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that, Ma’am,” replied the contractor. “I currently have a crew of blondes laying sod out front.”

Hemingway Hall

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While touring the university grounds, a visitor paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

“I absolutely love Ernest Hemingway,” said the prospective student. “Can you tell me the connection between him and the University?”

“Actually,” noted the guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”

A little let down, the young student asked, “Was Joshua Hemingway also a writer?”

“Yes, indeed,” explained the guide. “He wrote a check.”

Benny’s Towing

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A man driving through the countryside accidentally went off the road and into a ditch. With his vehicle thoroughly stuck, the driver pleaded for help from a farmer passing by in his horse and buggy.

The farmer said his horse, Benny, could easily pull the car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched the horse to the bumper of the car.

He yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull! ” but Benny didn’t move.

Raising his voice he yelled, “Come on, pull Ranger!” Still, Benny didn’t move.

Then he loudly shouted, “Now pull, Fred, pull hard!.” Benny just stood.

It was then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Okay, Benny, pull.”

And Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer explained, “Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”

Sunday, November 17, 2019

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So What Else is There to Talk About?

It’s going to be a while before Gail grows out of her “cute” stage, and I’d rather not limit the “Sunday Rant” to a singular topic. While I suppose featuring a weekly picture of her would be harmless, I would like to move on to other topics.

The trouble is, I can’t really think of anything I want to talk about this week. I know what’s on my mind, but I know better than to open my mouth on certain subjects… And no, it’s not because I fear the PC police… OK, well maybe a little, but actually it is because when you make certain personal views public, that’s when people pigeon hole you and say, “that’s all this guy is about”.

Ooo! Ooo! I know what I’d like to talk about: How come every other webcomic out there is mentioned on either Wikipedia or TV Tropes or some other quasi-authoritative medium, but PitP is totally off the radar? How is it that even bad webcomics with only 16 pages created by a 14 year old 7 years ago has third party acknowledgement, but a webcomic that has been active for nearly 16 years is still only vaguely known to exist by a handful of search engines, and then only after you type in some arcane phrase?

On second thought, I’d better not talk about this. I can already feel the pigeon hole closing in, and if anyone ever did review this site and/or comic, whatever they wrote would probably just annoy me.

I should just count obscurity as one of my blessings.

Kudos

And speaking of obscure blessings, I want to thank ole George and Glenn for continuing to email me jokes. You know, a lot of these jokes are just FWD’s that have been handed down from e-mail to e-mail over the years. You can help give these wandering jokes a new home here by copy/pasting the joke on our submission page. You could also forward your FWD’s to flush2x@gmail.com.

“The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made His greatest gifts the commonest.”
― Martin Luther

Pax,

-f2x

Wet Report Card

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As little Johnny was acting up again, the teacher sternly remarked, “Listen, young man, you had better settle down and start paying attention!”

“Or else what?” the little brat retorted.

“Or else you’ll be going home with a soggy report card!” said the teacher.

“Why would my report card be wet?” asked Johnny.

The teacher replied, “Because all your grades are well below ‘C’-level.”