Author Archives: f2x

A man got a prescription for Viagra, and went home to get ready for when his wife got home.

He called her on the phone, and she told him, “I’ll be home in half an hour.”

This was perfect for the man because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra half an hour beforehand. He took the Viagra and waited.

The half hour went by, the man was ready to go, but his wife was a no show. He called her cellphone and she informed him, “Traffic is terrible. I won’t be there for another hour and a half.”

Out of frustration, the man called his doctor for advice.

The Doctor replied, “I suppose it would be a shame to waste it. Is your housekeeper around?”

“Yes, she is.” the man replied.

“Well, maybe you could occupy yourself with her instead?” said the Doctor.

A bit dismayed, the man replied, “But I don’t need Viagra with the housekeeper.”

During a long rain delay, the baseball announcer filled the time with some trivia.

“Jim, do you know who hit the most home runs between 1955 and 1975?”

“Hank Aaron?”

“Yep. And do you know who hit the most RBIs between ’55 and ’75?”

“Hank again.”

“Yep. But do you know who got hit on the chin with the most balls during those years?”

“Uh, Hank Aaron?”

“Nope. Liberace!”

The fisherman called his guide on his mobile phone to make arrangements for the following day. “I’m going fishing with a couple of friends, and I need two punts and a canoe,” he said.

When he arrived, there were two tarty looking women waiting for him at the fishing lodge.

“What the hell is this?” he asked his guide.

“Well”, replied the guide, “when you phoned, I was in the bar and there was a great deal of noise on the line. I managed to get a couple of the local ladies, but what in the hell is a panoe?”

A man decided give his wife a bra for her birthday. He entered a ladies shop, and the saleswoman offered to help him.

“What color?” she asked.

He chose the white.

She then asked him for the size, but he hadn’t the faintest idea.

“Now sir, are they the size of a pair of melons, coconuts, grapefruits, or oranges?”

“No,” he answered, “nothing like that.”

“There must be something your wife’s bust resembles.”

He thought long and hard, then looked up and asked, “Have you ever seen a cocker spaniel’s ears?”

It was George the Mailman’s last day.

As he did his final rounds he reached the door of the first house and was greeted by an elderly couple who gave him a gift certificate.

At the next house, the entire family gave him a set of fishing lures, and at the third house he received a box of fine cigars.

But at the next house he was greeted by a sexy blonde wearing a skimpy negligee. Without a word, she signaled him to come inside.

She gently took him upstairs and had wild, passionate sex with him.

George certainly didn’t mind.

She then led him downstairs, where she made him a huge breakfast of toast, sausage, eggs and hash browns.

George was truly satisfied.

As he leaned forward to get his second cup of coffee, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup.

Curious, he asks the blonde, “This is all wonderful and I appreciate everything, but what’s the dollar for?”

“Oh,” replies the blonde, “I asked my husband last night what we should give you for your retirement. He told me, ‘Screw him! Give him a dollar!” She beamed at him. “The breakfast part was my idea!”

A man goes to his dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

“No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the guy said.

So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and he said, “I can’t do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!

The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill.

“No,” he said, “I’m fine with pills.”

The dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.

“What were those?” he asked.

“Viagra,” she replied.

“I’ll be damned,” said the patient, “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer.”

“It doesn’t,” said the dentist, “But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth.”