Author Archives: f2x

A little girl was in line to see Santa.

When it was her turn, she climbed up on Santa’s lap.

Santa asked, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”

The little girl replied, “I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe.”

Santa looked at the little girl for a moment and said, “I thought Barbie came with Ken.”

“No,” said the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”

After 25 years of marriage, Paul looked at his wife and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”

Being a very reasonable woman, his wife told him to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

“You know it’s funny,” said Samantha. “Peter’s balls are always cold as ice when I’m sucking his dick.”

“You know what?” replied Jenny. “It’s exactly the same with my Richard.”

The two turned to Margie and asked, “When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?”

“Ugh! That’s disgusting! I would never put Chris’s thing in my mouth!”

“You’re crazy,” one of the women piped up. “A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy. You should try it.”

Margie said she’d think about it. The next morning, they met at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner.

“Whoa!” exclaimed Samantha. “How did you get that black eye?”

“Chris hit me when I was blowing him,” said Margie.

“What on earth for?” asked Jenny.

“I don’t know,” said Margie. “All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how Pete’s and Richard’s are so cold.”

Apple computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play stereo music in women’s breast implants.

The i-Tit, will cost between $499 and $699, depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Michael returned home one night to find his wife lying naked in bed.

His eyes went wide and he began to strip, only to stop suddenly when he saw a lit cigar in the ashtray beside the bed.

“All right,” Michael shouted, “I demand to know where this cigar came from!”

A muffled voice came from under the bed, “Havana.”

Alfred called his wife, Gladis into the bedroom, “I want to show you the new clock I got today.”

She went into the bedroom and find him with his pants down. “That’s not a clock!” said Gladis.

“It will be once you put two hands and a face on it.”

A middle aged couple went to a livestock show one fine Sunday afternoon and were watching the auctioning of the bulls.

The auctioneer announced the first bull, “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year.”

The wife nudged her husband in the ribs and commented, “See! That was more than once a week!”

The second bull was up next. “Another fine specimen,” said the auctioneer, “This wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”

Again the wife nudged her husband, “Hey, that’s more than twice a week. What do you say to that?”

Her husband was getting really annoyed with this comparison.

It wasn’t long and the third bull went up for sale. “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!” announced the auctioneer.

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and scolded, “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about you?”

The husband was pretty irritated by now and shot back, “Sure, once a day! Great! But go ask that auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!”