Monthly Archives: August 2021

Paddy’s wife bought a pair of crotchless knickers in an attempt to spice up her and her hubby’s sex life.

She put them on with a short skirt and sat on the sofa opposite her husband.

Every so often she would uncross her legs untill her husband noticed.

Husband: “Are you wearing crotchless panties?”

Her: “Yes,” she answered seductively.

Husband: “Thank fuck for that. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa.”

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$150”
Man – “Sold.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a Wilson infielder’s glove.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,”How much?”
Boy – “$350”
Man – “Highway robbery. Sold.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
The boy says, “$500”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost.
I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that crap again, you’re in my closet now.”

A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husbands temper.

The doctor asks, ” What’s the problem? ” The woman says, doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason, it scares me.

The doctor says, ” I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.”

Two weeks later, the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says, doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?

The doctor says, ” The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..”

A man found a tennis ball while out jogging and put it in his pocket to give his dog back home…
As he stopped to wait at the traffic lights, a woman next to him couldn’t help but notice the large bulge in his trouser pocket.

“Tennis ball” the man said.

“Oh, that must be painful,” she replied. “I had tennis elbow once!” 🤣🤣🤣👍

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.” A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard.” The judge says, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer.” The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, “You God-damned bastard.” The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?” The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, “For fifteen years, I’ve lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”

I pass by this ancient mailbox every day on my walks. The old rusty box is nailed to an oak that has to be 150 years old. After 6 years of passing it by I decided to open the box to see if anything was inside. After all, there isn’t even a house nearby to which it could possibly serve anyway. Any home it serviced was long ago torn down I’m sure. I noticed an ancient letter inside as you can see in picture. I looked at the post mark date and it said July 7, 1903. Due to age and moisture the addressee on the envelope was not readable, so I opened up the envelope hoping to find some local history and a good story I could share with you. Here is what the letter inside said. “We at Carriage Shield hate to be the bearer of bad news Mr Mallard but the warranty on your buggy has expired. Please take a few minutes to sign up for our 2-horse plan and never worry about those expensive wheel and horseshoe repairs again.” 😂😂