Which Hole?

A man, while playing on the front nine off a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole.”

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.

The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession.

I’m in sales also. What do you sell?”

She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh”.

“No, I won’t”.

“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax”.

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, “See, I knew you would laugh”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m still a hole behind you!

Little Johnny, the Cat, and Tic Tacs

Little Johnny’s mom was standing in the kitchen doing the dishes and looking out the window where she saw little Johnny sitting on the curb with a cat under one arm and a pack of tic tacs in the other hand.

She watches for a minute and she sees little Johnny lick the cat and then he would eat a tic tac and stand up and move a couple steps down the sidewalk and he would sit back down.

Well his mom watched him do this 3 more times then her curiosity got the best of her so she went outside and asked little Johnny what he was doing.

Little Johnnys reply was,” I’m licking pussy, popping pills and movin on down the road like any daddy.”

The New Bull

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ givin’ him any of mine.”

The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight ‘I`m till I run him off or kill ‘I`m, but I’M KEEPIN’ ALL MY COWS.”

The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of”. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

The first bull says, “Ahem…You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”

The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.

The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”

The third bull says, “HELL, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’M a Bull!”

Why Ethel Changed Hotels

Ethel checked into a motel on her 60th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well-oiled buns….

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.

“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you?

Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, “I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night – tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!
Now how does that sound?”

He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press “9” for an outside line.”

Sunday, December 27, 2020

Peanut Butter Pills

OK, so you might notice that Gail looks kind of soulfull and sweet in the this shot. Indeed, she has made an extreme amount of progress, and it is all thanks to this wonderful little pill she takes every afternoon. It’s called fluoxitine, and it is used to treat separation anxiety. I call it a miracle!

Some of you might recognize the drug. It is the same drug that goes under the brand name of Prozac. While it is primarily used to treat depression in humans, fluoxitine is an anti-anxiety drug when administered to dogs, and is the only approved medication for separation anxiety in dogs. As an added bonus the overall improvement in Gail’s temprament is something to behold. She is… Lovable.

I guess once you take away a dog’s anxiety, they tend to enjoy being cuddled and fawned over more. It is obvious that Gail is much more content these days, and she is far more trainable. Although not perfect, she is starting to get a grip on a basic vocabulary, and will typically retreive the object you ask for such as a ball, rope, or Wubba from the other room.

Even my cat, Alex has noticed the improvement. His anxiety level has also dropped thanks to the fact that Gail has stopped using him as a chew toy. Every once in a while, Gail will get a little too “nosey”, but for the most part she is respecting Alex’s boundaries.

Initially I was told it would take up to 30 days before there would be any behavioral changes, but honestly I could tell that something was happening after only two weeks. It has been a little over two months, and Gail is like a new dog. It is also of note that the medication is rather affordable. At only $18 for a 60 day supply, I can keep Gail on this pill indefinitely to ensure that her previous disposition never comes back.


Some amazingly kind and generous soul has been using our submission page during my extended hiatus. They are a bit different from my usual style, but the submitter was kind enough to provide them, so I will be posting them over the next few weeks with minimal editing. I hope you all enjoy.

“I’m envious of actors. You shoot a movie or you do a season of ‘Big Love,’ and then you’re on hiatus and you have a bunch of free time.” ― Jack McCollough