Jim walked up to his wife and said, “Today is a fine day!” The next day he said it again, “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, he said the same thing, “Today is a fine day.”
Finally after a week, the wife asked her husband, “Since last week, you keep saying today is a fine day. What’s up with that?”
Jim explained, “Last week when we had an argument, you said, ‘I will leave you one fine day.’ I was just trying to remind you.”
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up, son.“
“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”
“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the principal!”
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair.
“I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
When the boy’s haircut was completed and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy’s forgotten all about you.”
“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, ‘Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!’”
Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
had put in the ground. “Fifteen” was the answer.
“Not bad, not bad at all,” the foreman said.
Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. “Four” was
“Four?” the foreman yelled. “The others did fifteen, and you only did four?”
“Yes,” replied the leader of the blonde group, “But go look at how much they
left sticking out of the ground.”
The farmer met his nephew at the railroad station.
“Uncle, I’m mighty glad to see you,” said the boy. “That crate of chickens you sent us bust open just as I was going to take ‘em out and they ran all over the place. I chased ‘em through the neighbor’s yard but only got back eleven.”
“You did alright,” said the uncle. “I only sent you six.”