Comics
Gail’s Sunday Pic
Sunday, January 7, 2024
It's just so surreal...
Yesterday marked 10 years to the day of my mother's passing. Dad and I went out to dinner to pay homage in her memory. Like the decade before, I never would have dreamed we'd end up where we did.
I still maintain that somewhere along the way, I ended up in the "bad timeline". I'm not saying that things are all that bad, or that I regret my decisions. On the contrary, I'm where I am today in spite of my decisions. No matter what choices I could have made, this is where I was fated to be... and it's so unsatisfying.
On a lighter note
My comic is 20 years old this month! Think about it... 20 years ago I started putting pictures of stick figures up here in an attempt to dress up a rather boring hand coded html page. Seeing how it started and how it turned out is kind of neat. It has certainly gone through some dramatic changes from those original daily panels to my current sporadic offerings. I wish I could have combined the naive wit of my youth with my current "drawing" abilities. I've become far too jaded in my old age and it puts a damper on my creativity.
Of course looking back at some of my early work, I'm not so sure my "wit" was all that great either. The "art" was definitely bad... And now that I'm looking at it, the gags weren't really all that great either, but I was putting out a daily panel rather consistently for a while there.
Yeah, now that I think about it... those old comics sucked. As I'm glancing through them I feel myself cringing in disgust... Wow... Maybe I do have some regrets after all! Oh those wasted hours I spent navel gazing to come up with crap that makes Chis Chan look inspired! Thank god no one is actually reading this shit!
So to wrap it up...
Happy New Year, everybody! I'm really not sure how much stuff I'll add to Flush Twice in '24, but I'll get to it whenever I get the chance. Be sure to like and subscribe, and leave a comment down below if there's anything you'd like to see happen over the next 12 months.
Pax,
-f2xGET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!
Monthly Archives: October 2017
Grandma Mom
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year old woman had a baby.
All her relatives came to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they asked to see the baby, the 65-year old mother said, “not yet.”
A little later they asked to see the baby again.
Again the new mother said, “not yet.”
Finally they said, “When can we see the baby?”
And the mother said, “When the baby cries.”
The relatives asked, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
The senior mother explained, “Because I forgot where I put it.”
Bad Chemistry
Little Johnny was telling his father, “My Chemistry teacher is really giving me a rough time.”
“Handle it this way Johnny,” his father advised. “Take special care with your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention in class. And do your assignments and homework promptly.”
Johnny sighed, “I really don’t think that’ll help, Dad.”
“Why not?” asked his father.
“During study break, she hissed at me that she’s 3 weeks overdue.”
The IT Chat
Moss and Roy were chatting in the IT department at work.
“Yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar,” said Roy
Moss asked, “So what happened? What did you do?”
“Well,” said Roy, “I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off.”
“You’re kidding me!” exclaimed Moss
“No seriously! I took her miniskirt off, then her bra, her panties, and then I lifted her up and put her on the desk next to my new laptop.”
“Really?” Moss said with excitement. “You got a new laptop?”
Here Comes the Bride
A groom passed down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar. The best man noticed that the groom had the biggest, brightest smile on his face.
The best man asked, “Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what’s up with that smile?”
The groom replied, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.”
The bride came walking down the aisle, and she too had the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor noticed this and asked, “Hey, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what’s up with that smile?”
The bride replied, “I’ll never have to give another blow job for the rest of my life!”
Laying Pipe with the Plumber
A housewife called a plumber to fix a leaky pipe.
During the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. One thing led to another, and before long the two were frolicking in the sheets.
Suddenly the phone rang, and the housewife took the call. After she hung up the phone she told the plumber, “That was my husband. He’s on his way home now, but he’ll be going back to the office around 8pm. Come back then, and we can take up where we left off.”
The plumber looked at the woman in disbelief, “What? On my own time?”
Sunday, October 15, 2017
Back to the Menial Surfdom
Do you remember when I mentioned that promotion? Well, now I’m demoted back to my old position. It was actually per my request. Here’s the scoop:
When I applied for the position, I thought I’d get along great with my new coworkers… Well I was half right. I got along great with my new boss… but the other guy… Let’s just call him “Martin” (not his real name)… While we seemed to get along on the surface, I really couldn’t stand working with “Martin”.
Of course when I asked for my old job back, I gave the supervisor a different reason because even though I didn’t like working with “Martin”, he’s not a bad guy, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. After all, it wasn’t his fault that I didn’t like working with him, and the guy who was “next in line” likes working with “Martin”. It seems everything worked out for the best after all.
Look, I already don’t like to work. I’ve said it many times that if I didn’t have to work for a living, I wouldn’t. Since I have to work for a living 5 to 6 days a week, it better not be something that makes me miserable. Working with Martin made me feel miserable, so it wasn’t worth the extra money.
Oh, and there’s a silver lining… The guy in charge of my department will be retiring in the next 3 to 6 years, and guess who’s the company’s #1 pick to replace him?
That would be me, sweetheart.
Pax,
-f2x
Better Filler than Nothing
Bad Luck Friday After Work
A few guys always got together every Friday after work. It was Friday the 13th, and Chad showed up particularly late.
He sat down at the bar and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp. Then he turned and said, “I’m having some really bad luck today. I mean, I stopped by the house after work and my wife told me that she’s going to cut me back to only two times a week! I can’t believe it.”
At which point his buddy Troy put his hand on Chad’s shoulder and said reassuringly, “You think you’ve got it bad, she’s cut me out altogether.”
The Sister’s Spoliation
Two nuns, Sister Clara and Sister Agnes, were walking through the park when they were jumped by two thugs.
The men ripped off the women’s habits and began to rape them.
Sister Clara cast her eyes heavenward and cried, “Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!”
Sister Agnes looked at Sister Clare with a smile and said, “Mine sure does.”