Things to Ponder

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “oneslice”? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” When, it isn’t all right .

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Incentive

A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy.

The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office. “Things aren’t going too well, guys,” he announced grimly. “So to perk up sales, I’m announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales this week gets a blowjob.”

“What does the loser get?” asked one of the salesmen.

The owner looked at both men and replied, “The loser gets to give it.”

Peculiar Postage

A woman made an appointment with her gynecologist.

“What seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor.

“Something is terribly wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina.”

The doctor had a look and began to chuckle. “Those aren’t postage stamps,” said the doc. “They’re the stickers off bananas!”

Showing Devotion

One evening a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door.

“Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?” she asked.

“I would love to,” replied the husband, “but I don’t know her well enough.”