Jumping a Jumper

A seriously depressed woman stood at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.
A passing hobo stopped and said, “Since you’re about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?”
The woman said “Hell no! Get away from me you sicko!”
The bum muttered as he turned to leave, “Fine, I’ll just go wait at the bottom”.

The Trucker’s Pit Stop

A trucker who had been out on the road for three weeks stopped off at a brothel.
He walked straight up to the Madam, dropped down $500 and said, “I want your meanest, ugliest woman and a burnt pork chop!”
The Madam was astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.”
The trucker replied, “I’m not horny. I’m homesick!”