A company was looking to hire someone for an important position. They interviewed dozens of applicants, and narrowed their search down three people. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer. The one with the best answer would get the job.
“A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman’s back. What is the man’s name?”
The first one didn’t get the job because he answered, “Well, there IS no answer.”
The second was also turned down because he replied, “My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.”
The third contender won the position when he responded, “I’m not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It’s either Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.”
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “What’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.”
“I had tolio as a child,” he answered.
“You mean polio?” she asked.
“No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.”
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked, “What’s wrong with your knees? They’re all lumpy and deformed!”
“As a child, I also had kneasles,” he explained.
“You mean measles?” she asked.
“No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.”
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
“Don’t tell me,” she said, “let me guess… Smallcox?”
A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because over the years they had grown quite large and resembled a couple of bear claws. She did insist however that the surgery be kept secret, and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.
“I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. “I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?” she asked.
“That’s from a man in the burn unit. He doesn’t know who you are, but wanted to thank you for his new ears.”
Harry teed up, addressed his ball and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice.
The ball left the fairway he was playing, and went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face.
The poor guy dropped like a rock! Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious, and with the ball lying between his feet.
“Oh my God!,” exclaimed Harry, “what should we do?”
“I’m not sure.” said his partner. “But don’t move him! If we just leave him here he’s an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies, or drop it two club lengths away without penalty.”
Two young boys in the Middle East just turned thirteen. Ali was Muslim, and David was Jewish, but they were very good friends.
One day Ali mentioned to David, “I’m getting operated on tomorrow.”
“Oh?” said David with surprise. “What are they going to do?”
“They are going to circumcise me,” said Ali.
“I had that done when I was eight days old,” remarked David.
“Did it hurt?” asked Ali.
“I couldn’t walk for a year,” said David.