A threesome is the term used for three people having sex.

A twosome is the term for two people having sex.

By extrapolation it should become obvious why people call you handsome.

The lady of the house sat in the study with tears streaming down her cheeks. Upon entering the room her maid knelt by her side and tried to comfort her.

“Oh Marie,” the woman said to her maid, “I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.”

“I don’t believe it for one minute,” snapped the maid. “You are just saying that to make me jealous!”

Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time, but a few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trips.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to do that again!” said the first guy. “Since we’ve been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers ‘7 come 11’ all night long. I haven’t had a wink of sleep!”

“I hear ya, buddy,” the second guy replied. “My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we’ve been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers ‘hit me light, hit me hard’. I haven’t had a wink of sleep either!”

“You guys think you have it bad?!” exclaimed the third guy. “My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!”

Three old friends with a hearing loss were out taking a walk.

One remarked to the other, “It’s windy today, ain’t it?”

“No,” the second man replied, “It’s Thursday.”

The third man chimed in, “Me too. Let’s head to the bar and have a few beers.”

Maria ran into the room sobbing, “Mama, Mama! The man I love just told me he was an atheist! How can I marry a man who doesn’t believe in hell?”

Maria’s mother comforted her and said, “Dear little one, If you truly love him, marry him anyway, and together you and I will show him just how wrong he is.”

Outside the UN in New York City, a pollster was attempting to take a survey on a local topic.

Four men walked by: a Saudi, an Ethiopian, a North Korean, and a resident New Yorker. The pollster cleared his throat and said to the men, “Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage.”

The Saudi replied, “What is a shortage?”

The Ethiopian asked, “What is meat?”

The North Korean queried, “What is an opinion?”

The New Yorker responded, “What is ‘Excuse me?'”

An old Jewish woman won the Super-Lotto jackpot worth over $100 million.

The local news sent out a reporter to interview her: “So tell us, Mrs. Rosenberg, how do you plan on spending your winnings?”

“Well first I’m going to donate a million dollars to the synagogue, and of course I’ll also donate a million dollars to the community,” explained the elderly woman. “Then I’m going to commission a solid gold statue of Adolf Hitler and have it prominently placed in the middle of the town square.”

The reporter nearly choked on his lozenge before blurting out, “But Mrs. Rosenberg, Hitler was an awful, awful man. Why would you want to honor such a monster?”

The old lady held up her arm as she pulled up her sleeve, “Because he gave me the winning numbers!”

Moses went up the mountain while his followers waited below.

The clouds obscured what was going on, and all anyone could hear or see was 40 days of thunder and lightning.

Finally Moses came staggering back down.

The people approached Moses and asked, “What happened up there?”

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” Moses began. “The good news is that I got Him down to 10 commandments.”

“Tell us the bad news,” the masses cried.

“Adultery is still on there.”