Zeke and Emmy Lou got married and had a new baby every year or less.

After their 13th baby was born, the couple told the doctor that they were going to stop having babies as soon as they figured out what was causing them.

The doctor suggested to Zeke that he try covering the organ before they made love.

Sure enough, in a short time Emmy Lou was pregnant again, and the doctor asked Zeke if he tried covering his organ like he had suggested they do.

Zeke said, “We don’t have an organ, Doc, but we did throw a blanket over the piano.”

Two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn’t keep Joe from boasting to Kenny about his sexual endurance.

“Three times,” gasped Kenny admiringly.  “How’d you do it?”

“It was easy.” Joe looked down modestly. “I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten- minute nap. When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again. Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I’ll tell you.”

“I gotta try it,” said Kenny.

So that night Kenny made love to his wife, took a ten-minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep.

Kenny woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him.

“What’s up, Boss?” he asked. “I’ve been working for you for twenty years and never been late once. You aren’t going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?”

“What twenty minutes?” growled the boss. “Where the fuck were you on Tuesday and Wednesday?”

Two little boys were arguing:

“My father is better than your father!”

“No, he’s not!”

“My brother is better than your brother!”

“No, he’s not!”

“My mother is better than your mother!”

The second boy paused. “Well I guess you’ve got me there. My father says the same thing.”

On Halloween, a tall, slim, elderly man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink.

As the bartender set it down, he asked, “Going to a Halloween party? ”

“Yeah, a costume party,” the man answered, “I’m dressed as my lousy love life.”

“But you look like Abe Lincoln. Where is the connection?” protested the barkeep.

“The connection is that my last four scores were seven years ago.”

A few short chicken related jokes

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

If you’re kinky, you’ll use a feather.
If you’re perverted, you’ll use the whole chicken.

A guy went out to a bar dressed up like a chicken for Halloween. He met a girl that was dressed up like an egg. They hit it off and they ended up at his apartment after the bar closed. One thing quickly led to another and a lifelong question was finally answered. It was the chicken.

What’s the difference between meat and chicken?

You can choke your chicken.You can beat your meat. But if you beat your chicken, it dies!

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because his dick got stuck in the chicken.

Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night before.

“I entertained a cowboy last night,” says the first.

“How did you know he was a cowboy?” asks the second.

“Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots on all the time we were together.”

“Sounds like a cowboy, all right,” the others say.

“I entertained a lawyer,” announces the second. “I could tell because he wore a three-piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on to the briefcase all the time.”

They agree he sounded like a lawyer.

“I had a farmer for a client,” comments the third.

“How could you possibly know he was a farmer?” she is asked.

“Well first he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he asked if he could pay me in the fall.”

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh my God! Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

“But it”s raining out there!”

“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied. “He’s got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend got out of bed, grabbed his clothes, and jumped out the window.

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he suddenly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town”s annual marathon. He started running along beside the others with his clothes tucked under his arm. He tried his best to blend in.

A small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. “Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

“Oh yes!” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free!”

Another runner moved a long side. “Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh, yes” the man answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

“Only when it’s raining.”

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.

Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.

They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, “this should impress him!” He showed his son a machine and said,, “Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine we can put in a pig, and out comes the sausages.”

The prudish son, unimpressed, said, “Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”

The furious father thought and said: “Yes son, we call it your mother.”