Category Archives: Jokes

It was the usual scene in the City’s Night Court. The Police had rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge.

Three stood before him, all arrested on the same corner.

He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself.

The woman was irate, “I don’t know what all this is about your Honor. I’m a college student doing research for a term paper.”

The Judge sighed and said, “Well, Miss, I would have thought you’d done enough research’ by now. My computer sez you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine.” He then turned to the second lady and requested her to testify.

The woman began crying softly and said, “Judge, I am just a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I have no idea why I was arrested.”

This time, the Judge shook his head and said, “Well, young lady, the officer tells me that he saw you hand a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your ‘husband’ in his new Cadillac. Thirty days and $250 fine.” He turned to the last of the trio and asked her occupation.

The woman said simply, “I’m a hooker.”

Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said, “How’s business?”

She sneered and replied, “Terrible Judge, with all these students and housewives around, I can’t turn a single trick.”

Little Johnny, while stuttering, asked his mom, “Mmmama why I tttalk like ttthis.”

She replied, “I don’t know. Go ask your father.”

Little Johnny went to his dad and asked, “Dddad why I tttalk like ttthis!”

His father said, “I don’t know. Go ask your sister.”

So Little Johnny asked his sister and like all older sisters, she kicked him out of her room and told him to go away.

Little Johnny was in the yard kicking rocks when the postman walked up. Little Johnny asked, “MMMr. why I tttalk like ttthis!”

The postman replied, “BBBoy ggget away fffrom me bbbefore I ggget in tttrouble!”

A cowboy walked into a drugstore one evening, went down an aisle and came back to the register. He tossed a three pack of condoms on the counter and the clerk rang it up.

As she was handing him his change she asked, “Would you like a bag with that, sir?”

“Naw, don’t think I do,” the man said with a drawl. “This one’s kinda purty.”

Glenn saw a tight blonde sitting all alone at the bar.

He sat next to her and after a few drinks he noticed that she didn’t seem the least bit affected by the alcohol.

Curious about this, Glenn asked, “How many drinks does it take to get you dizzy?”

She frowned and gave Glenn a dirty look, but then she shook her head and said, “Oh, usually about four or five, but my name is Sandy. Don’t ever call me Dizzy!”

After little Tyrone looked in the mirror, something finally occurred to him that never occurred to him before.

So he went up to his mother and asked, “Mommy, why am I black when you are white?”

“Don’t even go there,” his mother warned. “From what I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!”

“I’m in love with one of my sheep,” the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

“Nothing to worry about,” the psychiatrist consoled. “Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to.”

“But, doctor,” continued the troubled patient, “I feel physically attracted to my sheep.”

“Hmmm,” observed the doctor. “Is it male or female?”

“Female, of course!” the man replied curtly. “What do you think I am, GAY?”

After a brief wait in the lobby, Alice was shown to an examination room. Almost immediately the doctor came in.

“Miss Parker, is it? I’m Doctor Anderson, and I’d like to give you a thorough examination. If you don’t mind, please remove all of your clothing.”

“B-b-but doctor,” Alice stammered. “I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday.”

“So he told me, so he told me,” replied Dr. Anderson.

Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort.

One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis. When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied.

Later he reported the conversation to his wife.

She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”

Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.”

The Secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.

The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you that you could come and go as you please around here?”

Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, “My lawyer.”

A guy was chatting up a lady in a night club. “Can I buy you a drink?” he asked.

“Haven’t you got a girlfriend?” she replied. “Guys like you always have girlfriends.”

“No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago.” he assured her.

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please.”

After few drinks, a kiss, and a cuddle, they headed off back to her place for an evening of passionate sex.

While he was putting his clothes back on she said, “So, you’re a nice guy, good looking, and pretty amazing in bed. Can I ask why on earth did you split up with your girlfriend?”

As he slipped out the door he said, “My wife found out.”