Category Archives: Jokes

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

quatro sinko

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

How many mexicans do you need to change a light bulb?

Juan

What do you call a Mexican standoff with only 2 people?

A Juan on Juan

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

What do you call a mexican drug kingpin who likes to dress as a woman?

El Trapo

Mexican and black jokes are all the same

Once you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

Carlos.

What do you call a mexican and a priest fighting?

Alien vs predator

What did the Mexican Fireman name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B

A boy was born to a Korean father and a Mexican mother.

They named him Guacamo Lee.

Why couldn’t the Mexican archer shoot his bow?

He didn’t habanero.

Why can’t you play UNO with Mexicans?

They steal all the green cards.

Most people don’t know that in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was lost forever.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as “Sinko de Mayo”.

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.

He pulled rabbits out of hats, sawed his assistant in half, and drew coins out of the ears of audience members.

His final trick was a disappearing act. He counted:

“Uno…”

“Dos…”

And disappeared without a tres.

Why can’t Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

Jane repined over the fact that her boyfriend seemed to be so afraid of commitment.

“Tell me about it,” said her friend Martha. “I’ve been living with this guy for over a year, and I finally had to give him an ultimatum.”

“Really?” said Jane, “What did you tell him?”

“I looked him in the eye and said, ‘Either tell me your name, or pack your shit and get out of my house!'”

…who passed his friend on the trail one day?

Cannibal, n.: A person who’s fed up with people.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped.

Two cannibals were having lunch.

One said, “Your wife sure does make good soup!”

The other replied, “Yeah, but I’m gonna miss her.”

People say cannibals are horrible folks, but the one I knew was just a regular anthropophagi.

In the clinic lobby, a man was arguing with the nurse on the other side of the counter.

“Now see here!” shouted the indignant man. “When I give blood, it’s not unreasonable to expect a nurse to extract it from me!”

Cooly, the nurse replied, “This is a sperm bank, Mr. Johnson. It doesn’t work that way.”

How do you get a gender-studies major off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza!

It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.

You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

Why did the feminist fail algebra?

She couldn’t solve inequalities.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to blog about how empowering it was.

Genders are like the Twin Towers

There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject.

The doorbell rang and since Mrs. Hudson was away for the weekend Dr. Watson answered the door.

When he opened the door, he saw a schoolgirl standing before him. “May I help you?” he asked the young lady.

“Sir, I’m here to see Sherlock Holmes,” she replied.

The good doctor showed her to Holmes’ study and quietly closed the door as he left the room.

A few minutes later, Watson heard what appeared to be the sounds of a great struggle coming from the room. Watson concluded that the evil Professor Moriarty had been cleverly disguised as the schoolgirl and was doing away with the great detective!

Bounding across the room, Watson burst through the door only to see a naked Holmes lying atop the schoolgirl.

Shocked by the display, the good doctor sputtered, “I say, Holmes, just what sort of a schoolgirl is this?”

Holmes looked up and calmly replied, “Elementary, my dear Watson.”

A belligerent drunk walked into a bar and hollered, “I can lick any man in this place!”

A customer seated near the entrance looked him up and down before remarking, “Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?

The obstetrician’s wife noticed a rather voluptuous guest was making overtures at her husband during a large informal gathering of his colleagues in their home. At first she tried to laugh it off until she saw them disappear into the bedroom together.

She immediately rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and yelled, “Listen, bitch! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn’t INSTALL them!”