A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house.
His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.
As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window, landing at the girl’s feet.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Taste it,” he replied, “If you like it, I’ll give you a whole one!”
A race car driver took one of his adoring female fans out to the bar. They had a few drinks and he took her back to his place. After a round of passionate sex, he fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.
“What’s the matter? Didn’t I satisfy you?” he asked.
“It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble,” said the angry woman. “In your sleep, you felt my breasts and mumbled, ‘What perfect headlights.’ Then you felt my thighs and murmured, ‘What a smooth finish.'”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked the driver.
“Nothing, but then you felt my crotch and yelled, ‘Who the hell left the garage door open?'”
A lesbian walked into a house of ill repute.
She asked the madam for the youngest harlot in the joint.
The madam replied that she will not allow the woman to have her youngest strumpet.
The lesbian was not dissuaded as she demanded, “I want your youngest girl!”
The madam was firm, and denied her again.
“Well, why not?” she asked.
With a smirk, the madam replied, “Everyone knows you can’t serve a minor to any licker.”
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “Two Prostitutes – $50.00”
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
At that very moment, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.”
One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?”
“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer explained, “Their sign pertains to religion.”
The following day the officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with another large sign on their car. He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign: “Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00”
A stressed out Priest who went to the Doctor in a panic.
“Doctor,” pleaded the padre, “When I go to pee it burns like the fire of Satan, and I have this god awful drip. What does this mean?”
The doc wryly smiled and said, “It means the altar boy wasn’t a virgin.”
A young lady made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
“We’ve been trying for months now, Doctor, and I don’t seem to be able to get pregnant,” she confessed miserably.
“I’m sure we’ll solve your problem,” the doctor reassured her. “If you’ll just take off your underpants and get up on the examining table…”
“Well, all right, Doctor,” agreed the young woman, blushing, “but I’d rather have my husband’s baby.”
A lady goes to her Gynecologist complaining of pain during intercourse.
“Every time I do it doggy style, it hurts terribly!” she exclaimed.
The doctor queried, “Why don’t you use the missionary position?”
“I would,” she pleaded, “but I can’t stand the dog’s breath in my face.”
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!”
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her.
He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door. He said, “That was the best honey. You’ve never moved like that before, you didn’t hurt yourself did you/”
His wife replies, “No, no. I’ll be OK, but could you help me get the doorknob out of my ass?”
A young priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska.
After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.
The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn’t think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day.
With that the priest asked the Bishop, “Would you like to have a martini with me?”
The Bishop said, “Yes, that would be nice.”
The young priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, “Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?”
On a pleasant Sunday morning, an elderly couple was attending their usual church services.
About halfway through Margery leaned over to her husband and said, “I just let out a silent fart, Harry. What do you think I should do?”
“Put a new battery in your hearing aid,” Harry replied.
