Author Archives: f2x

Sunday, February 2, 2020

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Goodbye DMR5.com

So back when I signed up with SiteGround web hosting, they had this quirky way of doing things. You could set up multiple websites, but they had to be under a tertiary domain. So if you had both example.com and something.com, one of them would be the “master” account, let’s say example.com, and the other was a sub account like this: something.example.com, and then you could alias www.something.com to that… Simple, no?

Anyhoo, I didn’t want to use a website I already had as the master, so I registered a new domain, DMR5.com. So at that time you could go to flushtwice.dmr5.com and this site would show up just fine. Of course you could also go to www.flushtwice.com or just flushtwice.com, and they would forward to the flushtwice.dmr5.com in such a way that you would not see it in the address bar. Personally I thought it was stupid, but they did have very fast and responsive servers… Unlike the DSL connection to a Vic 20 you get when you sign up with Dreamhost. (We still have two years left with these clowns.)

So I kept DMR5.com around after switching to Dreamhost, even though I didn’t need it anymore. I kept thinking I would do something with it… and I never did. So yesterday, dmr5.com quietly expired… which is sad… because it’s a four character dot com! Those things aren’t easy to come by. But still, it’s better this way. I mean, what was I suppose to do with it?

My registrar will keep it on hold for a few months under the false assumption that I “forgot” to renew it. After that, it goes up for grabs on the open market. GoDaddy is probably already eyeing it for a spamvertisement-landing page. Whatever happens now is no longer my concern.

Kudos

Speaking of things that no longer concern me, this week’s jokes were sent in by George and Glenn. It great when the only thing I have to do is copy and paste. Of course if you submit a joke through our submission page, I won’t even have to do that. On the other hand, sending jokes to flush2x@gmail.com does require the ol’ ctrl-c/ctrl-v.

“Distracted from distraction by distraction” ― T.S. Eliot

Pax,

-f2x

Want a Ride Little Girl?

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A 10-year-old girl was walking home from school one day, when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her. As he followed along beside the young child, he turned to her and asked, “Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”

“NO!” said the little girl as she kept on walking.

Not being dissuaded, the motorcyclist countered with, “I’ll give you a big bag of candy if you hop on the back.”

“NO!” the little girl shouted again, and then hurried down the street.

The motorcyclist pulled up beside the little girl again and said, “Listen, kid, I’ll give you 20 dollars and a big bag of candy! All you have to do is just hop on the back of my bike and go for a ride with me!”

The little girl stopped, turned towards the motorcyclist, and yelled, ”Look Dad, You’re the one who bought a Honda instead of a Harley, SO YOU RIDE THE DAMN THING!”

The Newlywed Husband

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A newlywed was talking to an associate at work about his recent marriage.

“Wait a second,” said the associate, “You’re telling me that you’re your wife’s third husband?”

“No,” said the newlywed, “I am her fourth husband.”

“Good grief!” cried the associate, “You’re not a husband, you’re a habit.”

Figuring Fractions

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A grade school teacher posed the following problem to her arithmetic class:

“A wealthy man died and left behind ten million dollars.

One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.

Now, what does each get?”

The class fell silent for a long moment.

Finally, one little boy raised his hand and answered, “A lawyer!”

Lucky Horse

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Linda slapped her husband on the back of the head.

“What was that for?” cried her husband.

“I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it,” she said angrily. “You better have a good explanation!”

“Now, sweetheart, calm down,” said the husband. “I was at the track last week and that was the name of the horse I bet on.”

Later that same day, Linda walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead.

“What the heck was that for?” he demanded.

“Your ‘horse’ just called.”

Sunday, January 26, 2020

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Too Damn Good in the Kitchen

It’s winter here, and the weather is not exactly inviting me to experience the great outdoors. As a result I tend to sit around and contemplate what I want to eat… and then I spend my time making that dish a reality.

I have a very particular set of skills that I have acquired over a very long time of living on my own that allows me to take basic ingredients and manipulate them in such a way as to create those Instagramable moments that taste as good as they look.

This is not helping my waistline.

I wish my comics were as good as my dinners.

Kudos

This is the part where we thank this week’s contributors, and oh look! It’s Glenn and George again! Seriously I if you guys didn’t send me the jokes that you do, I would have quit by now. Of course anyone can use our submission page or email flush2x@gmail.com. It’s tax deductible!

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ― Charles M. Schulz

Pax,

-f2x

Red Flags

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So he seems like a nice guy, and you decided to go on a date with him, but if he utters any of the following phrases, run for the nearest exit and don’t look back!

“I really don’t like this restaurant, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.”

“I refuse to get [cable/internet/cell phone]. That’s how they keep tabs on you.”

“I used to come here all the time with my ex.”

“I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.”

“It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.”