Author Archives: f2x

A 10-year-old girl was walking home from school one day, when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her. As he followed along beside the young child, he turned to her and asked, “Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”

“NO!” said the little girl as she kept on walking.

Not being dissuaded, the motorcyclist countered with, “I’ll give you a big bag of candy if you hop on the back.”

“NO!” the little girl shouted again, and then hurried down the street.

The motorcyclist pulled up beside the little girl again and said, “Listen, kid, I’ll give you 20 dollars and a big bag of candy! All you have to do is just hop on the back of my bike and go for a ride with me!”

The little girl stopped, turned towards the motorcyclist, and yelled, ”Look Dad, You’re the one who bought a Honda instead of a Harley, SO YOU RIDE THE DAMN THING!”

A newlywed was talking to an associate at work about his recent marriage.

“Wait a second,” said the associate, “You’re telling me that you’re your wife’s third husband?”

“No,” said the newlywed, “I am her fourth husband.”

“Good grief!” cried the associate, “You’re not a husband, you’re a habit.”

Marty and Alex were sitting at the bar having a few beers, when Marty asked, “Hey, are you still seeing that girl with the lazy eye?”

Alex said, “No, I had to break up with her.”

“What happened?” asked Marty

Alex explained, “She kept seeing guys on the side.”

A grade school teacher posed the following problem to her arithmetic class:

“A wealthy man died and left behind ten million dollars.

One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.

Now, what does each get?”

The class fell silent for a long moment.

Finally, one little boy raised his hand and answered, “A lawyer!”

Linda slapped her husband on the back of the head.

“What was that for?” cried her husband.

“I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it,” she said angrily. “You better have a good explanation!”

“Now, sweetheart, calm down,” said the husband. “I was at the track last week and that was the name of the horse I bet on.”

Later that same day, Linda walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead.

“What the heck was that for?” he demanded.

“Your ‘horse’ just called.”

So he seems like a nice guy, and you decided to go on a date with him, but if he utters any of the following phrases, run for the nearest exit and don’t look back!

“I really don’t like this restaurant, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.”

“I refuse to get [cable/internet/cell phone]. That’s how they keep tabs on you.”

“I used to come here all the time with my ex.”

“I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.”

“It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.”

Gordon stared intently at the document.

“What are doing?” asked his wife. “You’ve been staring at that paper for an hour.”

“It’s our marriage certificate,” replied Gordon. “I was hoping to find an expiration date.”