Author Archives: f2x

Mitch saw a gorgeous lady at the end of the bar and flashed his best smile at her.

The woman noticed and immediately took interest. She casually strolled down the bar towards him, and took a seat next to him.

“I couldn’t help but notice your smile,” she said in a sultry tone. “Could I interest you in leaving this bar and going someplace else?”

Grinning from ear to ear, Mitch replied, “Sure thing, darlin’. Where to?”

She looked into his eyes and cooed, “The dentist.”

Bob stopped over to see his buddy Jason, and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can’t believe it!” exclaimed Bob. “That has to be the smartest dog that ever lived!”

Jason shrugged, “He ain’t that smart. I’ve beat him the last three out of five.”

The printer output on the work center began to grow faint, so the business owner called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the business owner he might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job himself.

Surprised by the candor, the business owner asked, “Does your boss know that you’re discouraging business?”

“Actually, it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

It seemed like the honeymoon was over before it started, and the unhappy couple decided to end their marriage after a very short time. They had already went to a marriage counselor in an attempt to reconcile, but to no avail the couple ended up in court to finalize their divorce.

The judge asked the husband, “What has brought you to this point where you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband said, “In the six weeks we’ve been together, we haven’t been able to agree on a single thing.”

The wife interjected, “Seven weeks.”

A gentleman walking down the street was passing a restaurant. As he strolled by he noticed the diner next to the window was eating the biggest, juiciest steak he had ever seen.

When he got back to the office, he told his associates about what he saw, and they were all very excited to see these enormous steaks for themselves. After work, the group went to the restaurant for supper.

They asked to be seated near the back of the restaurant, and were handed their menus, but they knew what they wanted and promptly ordered their steaks.

To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out the smallest steaks they’d ever seen.

“Now see here,” the embarrassed gentleman said to the waiter. “Earlier today when I walked by your establishment, you served BIG, juicy steaks. Now that my friends and I are here, you are serving these small miniature steaks! What is the meaning of this?”

“Well, sir,” replied the waiter, “You and your friends aren’t sitting by the window.”

The mother of a teenage son sought the counsel of a local preacher. She was concerned about what her boy would grow up to be. The preacher smiled and assured her that he knew of a way to find out.

While the boy was at school, the preacher went into the boy’s room and placed four objects on his bed. A bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a Playboy magazine.

“We will hide behind the door,” explained the preacher to the mother, “and when he comes home from school this afternoon, we’ll see which object he picks up.

“You see, if he chooses the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! On the other hand, if he picks up the coin, he’ll be a business-man, and that would be okay too. If he picks up the bottle, he’s destined to be a no-good drunkard, and that would be a shame, but worst of all is if he picks up that magazine. That means he’s going to be a skirt-chasing pervert!”

The mother and preacher waited anxiously until the boy came home and went to his room.

The boy tossed his school books onto the floor, and with a curios eye, he inspected the four items that had been placed on his bed. Finally, he placed the Bible under his arm, put the silver dollar in his pocket, and took a swig from the bottle while admiring the naked centerfold.

“Lord have mercy,” the old preacher whispered in horror, “He’s going to be a politician!”