Author Archives: f2x

A hillbilly gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a woman before. He asks him, “What do I do first?”
His dad says, “Take her clothes off and put her in bed.”
The hillbilly calls his dad five minutes later and says, “She’s naked and in bed What do I do now?”
His dad says, “Take your clothes off and get in bed.”
He calls back five minutes later and says, “I’m naked and in bed with her. What do I do now?”
His dad’s patience is now running thin, so he says, “Do I have to spell everything out? Just put the hardest thing on your body in the place where she pees!”
The hillbilly calls up five minutes later and says, “OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?”

A husband and his wife went to the Doctor. The Doctor took the husband in first.
The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife, and she was getting frustrated.
He checked his blood pressure and other things, and finally told him he would see his wife now.
He took her to another cubicle and told her to completely disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
She did as instructed.
He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.
Then he said – OK you can get dressed now, I will talk to your husband.
Then the Doctor went into the other office and told the husband, “You can relax. There is nothing wrong with you. I couldn’t get an erection either.”

Bob was obviously drowning his sorrows at the bar when Frank walked in. “What’s wrong, Bob? I’ve never seen you so down.”
“My girlfriend and I had a discussion earlier,” Bob began, “and she told me that a small penis shouldn’t affect our relationship.”
“She’s right you know,” consoled Frank. “Having a big dick is wa-a-a-ay over-rated. A small penis is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Yeah,” said Bob, “but I’d prefer she didn’t have one at all!”

A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar and said, “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Yes I do,” replied the beautiful young woman, “But go ahead, as I’m sure you’re going to ask me anyway.”
“OK,” said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, “How many men have you slept with?”
“That’s my business!” snapped the woman.
“Oh, right!” said the guy, “I didn’t realize you made a living out of it

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane.

After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom…so the man stands up to let her out.

She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

The man, a little tired of jumping up so often…asks her: “You keep sneezing, what’s the problem?”

The woman replies: “I have a rare condition…every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

He says, “Oh! What are you taking for it?”

She smiles demurely, and says: “Pepper.”

Two priests are out driving one day when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver “Sorry to pull you over father, but we’re looking for a couple of child molesters.”
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other.
The driver turns back to the cop and says, “Alright officer, we’ll do it.”

Officer Dudley was patrolling the neighborhood late in the evening when he saw two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevy convertible parked in “Honest John’s” used car lot.
The car lot had been closed for at least a couple of hours, so Dudley pulls up along side the Chevy and asked, “Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?”
“Certainly not,” said one of the ladies. “We purchased this car this afternoon.”
“Well,” said Officer Dudley, “Why don’t you start it up and drive home?”
“We don’t drive,” replied the second old lady.
“And besides,” said the first, “we were told that if we bought a car here we’d get screwed, so we’re still waiting.”

A guy went into an adult store and asked for an inflatable doll.
The man behind the counter said, “Male or female?”
The customer said, “Female.”
The counter guy asked, “Black or white?”
The customer replied, “White.”
Then the counter guy asked, “Christian or Muslim?”
Perplexed, the customer asked, “What the hell does religion have to do with it?”
The man behind the counter said, “The Muslim doll blows itself up.”

A seriously depressed woman stood at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.
A passing hobo stopped and said, “Since you’re about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?”
The woman said “Hell no! Get away from me you sicko!”
The bum muttered as he turned to leave, “Fine, I’ll just go wait at the bottom”.

A trucker who had been out on the road for three weeks stopped off at a brothel.
He walked straight up to the Madam, dropped down $500 and said, “I want your meanest, ugliest woman and a burnt pork chop!”
The Madam was astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.”
The trucker replied, “I’m not horny. I’m homesick!”