The bartender leaned over and asked, “Why the sad face, Bob?”
Bob replied, “My wife and I had this huge argument, and afterwards she said that she wouldn’t talk to me for a whole month.”
The bartender, with a knowing nod, remarked “I’m sure everything will work out fine, Bob.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” said Bob. “The month is up tomorrow.”
Murphy’s Moment
As mentioned a few weeks ago, I lost my beloved orange tabby, Alex, on June 19, 2025. While he had an amazing 16 year run, his passing came much sooner than it should have. I still miss him dearly.
Fortunately cats are pretty easy to come by. All you need is Craigslist and a little patience. After watching religiously for about 7 weeks, anyone could find the exact cat they were looking for… and that’s how I got Murphy! Come to think of it, that’s kinda how I got Alex as well.
Murphy was born on June 22, 2025. This tasty little hash brown was listed Tuesday night. I texted the number the next morning and went right round to go see him that afternoon. He was perfect, so I paid the $10 “rehoming” fee and took him to be my newest, bestest buddy.
Ten bucks probably sounds like a pretty good deal, right? Well… Yesterday he had his first vet appointment, and the bill wasn’t cheap. I already knew he had ear mites because he had been scratching at his ears, so I swabbed them and looked at it under an old microscope of mine. Let’s just say they threw in the ear mite cleaning FOR FREE because they were already able to cover a yacht payment with everything else they charged me for!
His follow up booster shot is in 3 weeks. Cha-ching! smh.
As of this Sunday, I’ve had him a total of about 4 days, and so far he’s cost me well over $500! At least he’s comfortable and feels right at home. While he can’t jump up on the bed yet, his needle like claws allow him to climb up the side of the mattress like Spider-cat, and then he likes to snuggle up with me an Gail… Which kinda worries me, cuz him being so small and all, he’s liable to get flattened!
To recap: I got another cat. He’s orange, he’s smol, and he’s a little spitfire. That’s about all I have to say on the subject at the moment, but I’m sure there will be more photo ops along the way.
Pax,
-f2x
Still going strong!
I thought I’d post some happy news today. Gail just turned 6 years old this past Monday, and as you can see, she is just as cheerful and gorgeous as ever.
I’m trying to come up with some other things that are “good news” related, but honestly, I’m just trying to get through life one day at a time.
It’s strange to think about it, but I’m a lot older than when I first started Flush Twice back in 2003, and I wasn’t exactly young when this all began either. I’ve gained sooo much weight, lost so much hair, and honestly, my health ain’t doing so hot either. Dead thyroid, high blood pressure, GERD, recurrent diverticulitis, pre-diabetes, and what’s starting to look like the early stages of kidney disease, and don’t forget about the mobility problems brought on by chronic plantar fasciitis and a busted knee. Yeah… I’m probably not gonna be around in 20 years, but that’s ok! Had a good run.
So for now, let’s give thanks on this hot, lazy, Sunday afternoon, that for a brief moment we are able to step back and enjoy life’s simple pleasures.
Pax,
-f2x
Alex Died on June 19, 2025
I suppose I should start by telling you how it happened. It was an otherwise nondescript day back in February. I went to get out of my rocker-recliner and when I scooched forward to get up, the front armrests bottomed out on the floor as they always do. Unbeknownst to me, Alex just happened to be laying down there that fateful day, and his left arm managed to get pinched.
Of course he yowled the loudest I’d ever heard him yell in his entire life and shot off into the basement. I felt terrible about it, but then I had no way of knowing he was down there when I went to get up. After a short while, Alex came back upstairs, and I was able to check for injury.
Shockingly, there were no broken bones, no blood, and Alex was able to walk just fine. It almost seemed cartoonish at the time, but down the left side of his left arm was a ribbon of flattened fur. He seemed somewhat indifferent to this, and acted like he just wanted to put the whole thing behind him. Seeing as Alex didn’t appear to be in immediate danger, I took a “wait and see” position.
Over the next month, the “ribbon” began to shrink inward towards his elbow. I took this as a good sign that his injury was healing naturally and everything would be fine… But things were not fine. After a month and a half, his elbow began to swell. By mid-April I had to take him in to the vet for an exam.
The vet did a fair bit of Hmmm’ing and scrunched her face a lot. She didn’t want to poke it with anything for fear it might introduce something. She took some measurements and expressed a “wait and see” attitude. I then scheduled a follow up appointment two months out.
Only a month later in mid-May, the swelling on his elbow had increased to the point that it started to ulcer. I called the vet and got him in immediately. This time they tried to drain it, but it went horribly. After the first stick, Alex started squirting blood all over the place, and the vet and technician freaked out and were running around looking for towels while I had to hold my cat down in a growing pool of his own blood.
After they got things back under control, she tried again with a larger needle, and went in from a different direction. After plunging to the center of the mass, she remarked that it was solid and that the fluid had probably dispersed into the surrounding tissue. She then went on to suggest that it might even be “malignant” and recommended a biopsy. They gave me an estimate for the procedure that ran from $500 to $800. I immediately left and made an appointment with another vet that I had gone to in the past.
The next day, my alternate vet didn’t have any good news. By now, Alex’s arm was very infected. At first he suggested that the arm would have to come off, but after noting Alex’s age, he pulled back and recommended palliative care. I pushed for a quote on the cost of an amputation, and he informed me it would be around $3500 at the lowest, and that at his age, Alex would only live another 6 months after the surgery, and to just stick with palliative care.
They gave Alex a shot of antibiotics, a shot for long term pain management, prednisolone tablets and a liquid antibiotic, along with an appointment to come back about a month later.
Over the memorial day weekend, I cleaned Alex’s wound and administered his meds. Alex was still Alex though. He obviously wanted to live, so I began making phone calls. Eventually I got in touch with the Humane Society. It took week and a half to finally get in, but after looking at Alex’s arm, their surgeon said that the arm was “not compatible with long term survival” and agreed to amputate it… in two weeks.
That was the longest two weeks of my life.
Every day that thing on his elbow grew bigger and bigger. In the final week, it started to split open. It looked like something out of a horror movie. The outer layer of skin died off and eventually I had to cut the hard chunk of dried flesh off with scissors. Fortunately the antibiotics prescribed by the second vet kept the wound site free from infection.
And through all of this, Alex was still Alex. He just kept on living his life like nothing was wrong. Even with that thing on his arm, he still walked normal, climbed up and down the stairs, jumped on the bed, table, dresser, et cetera. Part of me knew this cat was gonna make it, but part of me was scared that his arm was going to go septic and Alex would die.
I felt relieved on the day of the surgery. We made it through to this day! Alex would be a tripod, but he was going to live! I dropped Alex off at the Human Society and went to work expecting to pick him up between 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm.
My phone rang a little before noon. The voice on the other end informed me that the surgery had gone fine, and they didn’t notice anything wrong during the procedure, but in the recovery room, Alex’s heart rate began to drop, he went non-responsive, and his pupils dilated. The surgeon explained that sometimes a blood clot will break free during the surgery and make its way into the brain. Alex had had a stroke. There was nothing more they could do.
Moments later, Alex died.
Usually I show off pictures of Gail here, (she’s doing find by the way). Gail is a fun dog who loves to constantly run and play, but Alex was the one that I could really count on for affection. He would hop up on my chest when I was resting in my recliner and purr. He would be there at the door to greet me when I came home. He would keep me company when I pooped. He would wake me in the morning, and insist I gave him a thorough petting before I went to sleep at night. He talked to me with his incessant meows, and made sure I never left the house without filling the food and water bowls. Alex loved to get his “full kitty massage” complete with belly rubs, and he was the kind of cat that would walk up and headbutt me to let me know I was his as much as he was mine.
The house feels so empty without him now.
I miss you Alex,
-f2x
Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant, The older and more cynical one was thinking about taking and early retirement because the American public simply didn’t care about math anymore.
The more optimistic mathematician protested, and claimed that it wasn’t true.
“I’ll tell you what,” said the cynic, “ask that waitress a simple math question. If she gets it right, I’ll keep teaching and pick up dinner. If not, I’m out and you can pay for tonight’s meal.” He then excused himself to visit the men’s room.
While his colleague was away, the other mathematician called the waitress over. “When my friend comes back,” he told her, “I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to respond ‘one third x cubed.’ There’s twenty bucks in it for you.”
She agreed, and when the cynic returned from the bathroom, the younger optimist called the waitress back over again. “We are ready for the check now,” the mathematician started. “Incidentally, do you know what the integral of x squared is?”
The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked around the room, at her feet, made a groaning noise, and finally said, “Um, one third x cubed?”
Satisfied with the answer, the cynic paid the check, but as the waitress began to walk away, she looked back at the two men, and added, “…plus a constant.”
Happy Birthday, Gail!
You know I almost forgot it, and just by chance I remembered. Today is Gail’s 5th birthday! That’s right! That little puppy I started posting pictures of back in 2019 is a full 5 years old today.
You might have noticed I stopped posting weekly pictures of her a while ago. For the most part, she had stopped growing, so there really wasn’t that much of a change from week to week. Also, I was having trouble finding the time to make the effort.
Rest assured, Gail keeps on being an indomitable force in my life. Never does a day go by that I’m not forced to wait on hand and foot to this ornery critter. Other than when I’m at work, Gail is almost always with me. You’d think she’d be better behaved by now, but this dog loses her shit every time she sees a ball… or another dog… or food… or just realizes when we’ve turned down any of the roads on the way to one of her many favorite places.
To say this dog is spoiled would be an understatement. To me, spoiling means you treat them better than they deserve. With my previous dog, Grace, she was so good, spoiling was effectively impossible, but with Gail, spoiling is simply unavoidable. She lacks any sort of self-control or discipline, and she isn’t shy about letting you know how she feels in any given situation. If you have her on a leash, you better be careful because she can easily dislocate your shoulder.
But Gail is also easy to love. It’s amazing how she is such a people magnet. Gail has her own fan club, and people take walks by my yard just to come up to the fence to say hi to Gail and pet her. She’s very friendly and wants nothing more than to eat, play, and be loved.
Oh, and to poop… Soooo much poop!
So happy birthday Baby Gail!
-f2x
