Gail’s Pic of the Week
I Have No Idea What Comes Next
After 2020, things couldn't possibly get any worse, could they? Well, they could, and it is prudent to brace yourself for the possibility that the apocalypse was just getting warmed up.
On the other hand, perhaps the worst is behind us, or at least we will have a reprieve while the Kraken naps for a few more years.
One thing I pretty much know isn't about to happen:
We ain't gonna go back to the way things were.
There are a number of jokes still left in the queue from the anonymous donor who used our submission page. Thanks again, whoever you are.
“You know how sometimes you tell yourself that you have a choice, but really you don't have a choice? Just because there are alternatives doesn't mean they apply to you.” ― Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave
GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail email@example.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!
A little girl asks her father: “Daddy, what is corruption?”
— Go bring me a beer and I’ll tell you.
— But mommy said you should stop drinking!
— Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
— Oh, okay!
(just saw this on Reddit and figured you’d probably like it. — The Oldest Rater)
Now that I’m back, I thought I’d dig out one from the original archive that made me laugh so hard I almost shit myself:
Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2003 9:05 AM
Cc: 'firstname.lastname@example.org'; 'email@example.com'
Subject: Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter
Dear Carb Solutions,
I'm trying to lose a few pounds and last night I tried your Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter (Serial Number: MC53097 BEST BY040704) for the first time. The bar was a substitute for my dinner because I was on the road. I want you to know that I have discovered your secret formula for weight loss and I plan on stealing it. I too will make something so truly disgusting in taste that it makes the victim... err, uhhh... "dieter" not want to eat anything because they're physically nauseous. This morning I defecated an exact replica of the bar I ate last night. I plan on taking my feces and your bar to shopping malls and asking people to take a bite of each and see if they can tell the difference. It is true that my butt won't be able to produce as many "Taste Sensations" as your company can, but at over $2 a bar it will be a nice second income for me. Like your company, I will probably only be able to sell one bar to a customer before they decide never to buy from me again -- so I'll have to keep moving all of the time. They'll probably make a movie about me.
Soon to be your competitor...