A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
Having had had a good week, the agent experienced a rare feeling of generosity towards the dejected looking couple outside his window.
He called them into his shop and explained, “I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
The travel agent then had his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel. The two gladly accepted the opportunity, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came into his shop.
“And how did you like your holiday?” the agent asked eagerly.
“The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,” she said. “I’ve come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?”
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
Then a third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
A farmer in Alabama was driving across a bridge in his pickup truck when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below.
The farmer stopped his truck, ran up to the man and said, “Hey, why are you doing this?”
The man replied, “Well, I have nothing to live for.”
The farmer replied, “Well, think of your wife and children!”
The jumper replied, “I have no wife or children.”
“Well, then think of your mother and father!”
The man replied, “Mom and Dad passed on many years back.”
The Alabama man then said, “Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!”
The would-be jumper replied, “Who?”
With that the farmer said, “Jump you damn Yankee, jump!”
So in my continuing operating system saga, I have once again returned to the Linux Mint Debian Edition (aka LMDE). On March 20, version 4 was released. Being the sentimental type, I just had to try it out.
Debian is one of the greatest distros out there, but getting it installed and correctly configured can be quite the hassle. LMDE is much easier to install and is essentially a Debian box with all the bells and whistles preconfigured.
My biggest beef with LMDE is that they no longer provide a version that comes with the MATE desktop environment. The Cinnamon desktop is now the only option, and quite frankly I don’t like it very much.
For those who don’t know, the desktop environment is what you see on your computer. It provides the look and feel, and is one of the most important aspects of a Linux system. If a distro doesn’t support your preferred desktop environment, it’s a definite deal breaker! That’s why last time I jumped ship from LMDE (Debian) to Linux Mint (Ubuntu).
Now don’t misunderstand- You can install whatever desktop environment you want on any distro, but if your distro doesn’t “support” it, you’re on your own, and things might not work like they’re supposed to.
Fortunately this time around there is an EASY fix. After installing LMDE (which only comes with Cinnamon), I opened the terminal and typed the command “sudo tasksel”. It’s like a one-stop-wonder for installing preconfigured software. I selected the MATE option and it did all the work for me!
Once MATE was installed, I logged out, switched to the MATE desktop, logged back in, and used the software manager to delete Cinnamon. Now I’m back home again, and everything works like it’s supposed to!
I realize that Linux is not for everyone, but I’ve just become really comforable and accustomed to the MATE desktop environment. Windows kept changing their layout from 7, to 8, to 10, and now there is another version of 10 again. Meanwhile, MATE kept everything the same, and I like that kind of stability in my life.
While looking though an old photo album of relatives long gone, the young lady asked, “Grandma, do you ever think about the hereafter?”
“I think about the hereafter every day,” the grandmother replied. “Every time I walk into a room or open a closet door, I think, ‘Now what was I here after?;”
A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and lawyer. The two came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.
They sat for a long while until the doctor quietly said, ”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Shouldn’t you tell us why you asked us to come.”
The old preacher wheezed and said ”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s the way I want to go too.”
After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”
“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I make love to my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then after we make love the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?” The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after making love with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”
“He’s being a silly old fart,” she replied. “The first time he makes love is in August, and the second time is in January!”
As mentioned a few weeks ago, I lost my beloved orange tabby, Alex, on June 19, 2025. While he had an amazing 16 year run, his passing came much sooner than it should have. I still miss him dearly.
Fortunately cats are pretty easy to come by. All you need is Craigslist and a little patience. After watching religiously for about 7 weeks, anyone could find the exact cat they were looking for... and that's how I got Murphy! Come to think of it, that's kinda how I got Alex as well.
Murphy was born on June 22, 2025. This tasty little hash brown was listed Tuesday night. I texted the number the next morning and went right round to go see him that afternoon. He was perfect, so I paid the $10 "rehoming" fee and took him to be my newest, bestest buddy.
Ten bucks probably sounds like a pretty good deal, right? Well... Yesterday he had his first vet appointment, and the bill wasn't cheap. I already knew he had ear mites because he had been scratching at his ears, so I swabbed them and looked at it under an old microscope of mine. Let's just say they threw in the ear mite cleaning FOR FREE because they were already able to cover a yacht payment with everything else they charged me for!
His follow up booster shot is in 3 weeks. Cha-ching! smh.
As of this Sunday, I've had him a total of about 4 days, and so far he's cost me well over $500! At least he's comfortable and feels right at home. While he can't jump up on the bed yet, his needle like claws allow him to climb up the side of the mattress like Spider-cat, and then he likes to snuggle up with me an Gail... Which kinda worries me, cuz him being so small and all, he's liable to get flattened!
To recap: I got another cat. He's orange, he's smol, and he's a little spitfire. That's about all I have to say on the subject at the moment, but I'm sure there will be more photo ops along the way.
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
