Morris complained to his friend Irving that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
“Get creative, Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour? That’s what I do,” said Irving.
“Sounds great,” Morris replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” ”
“Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!”
Staycation
If you’re in the service industry, you probably have to work most holidays, but I work in manufacturing, so I get Thanksgiving and the day after Thanksgiving off every year. So it occurred to me that I could use three vacation days and take that whole week off! Bare in mind that there are also the weekends on either side of said week, so it stretches my time off to nine days.
“Are you going anywhere?” my coworkers would ask.
“Yeah. Home,” came my terse reply.
Of course that doesn’t mean that I won’t be doing anything. I have a lot of work around the house, things to do on this site, chores to do for my father, and let us not forget that Thanksgiving doesn’t happen all by itself. I’ll be making deviled eggs and peeling potatoes for my aunt, so I’ll be busy, busy, busy.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Pax,
-f2x
A little girl was in line to see Santa.
When it was her turn, she climbed up on Santa’s lap.
Santa asked, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”
The little girl replied, “I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe.”
Santa looked at the little girl for a moment and said, “I thought Barbie came with Ken.”
“No,” said the little girl. “She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.”
After 25 years of marriage, Paul looked at his wife and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”
Being a very reasonable woman, his wife told him to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.
“You know it’s funny,” said Samantha. “Peter’s balls are always cold as ice when I’m sucking his dick.”
“You know what?” replied Jenny. “It’s exactly the same with my Richard.”
The two turned to Margie and asked, “When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?”
“Ugh! That’s disgusting! I would never put Chris’s thing in my mouth!”
“You’re crazy,” one of the women piped up. “A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy. You should try it.”
Margie said she’d think about it. The next morning, they met at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner.
“Whoa!” exclaimed Samantha. “How did you get that black eye?”
“Chris hit me when I was blowing him,” said Margie.
“What on earth for?” asked Jenny.
“I don’t know,” said Margie. “All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as how Pete’s and Richard’s are so cold.”
Apple computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play stereo music in women’s breast implants.
The i-Tit, will cost between $499 and $699, depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Michael returned home one night to find his wife lying naked in bed.
His eyes went wide and he began to strip, only to stop suddenly when he saw a lit cigar in the ashtray beside the bed.
“All right,” Michael shouted, “I demand to know where this cigar came from!”
A muffled voice came from under the bed, “Havana.”
I’m Not Sure We’re Reaching Our Target Audience
I don’t visit this site like the rest of you. I open a hidden page where I can log on to add more jokes and comics. While I’m there, I can look at the stats to see how many people are visiting the site. Lately, there’s been an increase in the number of times that this site has been unreachable. There’s also been a correlational decrease in the visitor stats.
I can’t tell for sure because I’m not testing the site every ten minutes, but I’m starting to suspect server downtime is having a bad influence on my numbers. People can’t get through, so they stop coming.
This makes me sad for a couple of reasons. #1) I’m paying out good money to my webhost and getting spotty service. #2) If no one is visiting, then why bother? I could just as easily run a tumblr page.
You know what I’d really like to do? I’d like to go back to running my own webserver right here at the house. The biggest problem with that is the fact that I haven’t done it since 2005, and I’m not really sure how to do it anymore. There’s also the potential for even more down time since there aren’t any highly reliable low cost to free dynamic DNS services.
Anyway, I’ll have to get busy and weigh my options. Renewal is coming up right after Christmas, so if I’m going to do this, it has to be before then.
Pax,
-f2x
