The Golden Soapbox
Gail’s Pic of the Week
I Love My Dog
So during the last fireside chat, I might have given some of you the impression that I don't like my dog. Well, I do, but with such boundless energy she can be very tiring. I'm getting on in my years, and having a living bouncy ball sap my energy every day is frustrating.
But Gail is my baby girl, and though she often tests my limits, she does have her up sides. Off hand I can't think of any, but... Oh wait! She does actually settle down, and when I'm sitting on the couch or lying in bed, she is right there snuggled up next to me. She looks at me in such a way as to tell me that I am her everything.
And Gail is still just a pup. Granted, she is an 85 pound musclebound pup, but her brain is still developing. It is always a pleasant surprise when something finally "clicks" in that head of hers, and she learns to control some of the less desirable aspects of her behavior.
Make no mistake, there is a long way to go before Gail is what I would consider a "good" dog, and I have had enough dogs to know the difference. In the meantime, she still gets plenty of toys and treats and belly rubs.
She is going to be great some day.
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What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic and a personal blog in the sidebar that updates on the weekends. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.
Jokes are generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!
So what makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
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Jerry was a non-believer. One fateful day, he died and was sent to hell.
To his surprise, the sky was blue, the grass was lush and green, the trees were filled with delicious fruit, and the other condemned souls were running around laughing and playing.
A human-like figure wearing a white tuxedo and a magnificent set of horns came up to Jerry and said, “Welcome to hell, Jerry. I am Satan, and I’m so pleased to meet you! If there’s anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable, be sure to let me know.”
As Jerry explored his unexpected afterlife, he found a large chasm in the ground. It reeked of sulfur and when he looked down inside he saw a humongous chamber filled with flames and screaming souls.
Just then Satan came up and shooed Jerry away from the pit.
“What’s all that going on down there?” asked Jerry.
“Oh, just ignore them,” Satan replied while rolling his eyes. “They’re Christians; they wouldn’t have it any other way.”
The manager noticed his blonde secretary at her desk in tears.
Deeply concerned, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
The blonde replied, “My mother passed away this morning.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” replied the manager. “Why don’t you go home and take the day off?”
“No thank you,” replied the blonde. “It’s best that I keep myself busy.” And with that the blonde dried her eyes and got back to typing.
Later that day, her manager finds her crying again, so he said, “I know you’re upset about your mother passing away, and I know you said you’d rather keep busy, but the company does provide paid bereavement when you lose a parent.”
Drying her tears again she said, “It’s not that. My sister just called, and her mom passed away this morning too!”
An American went into a Swiss bank carrying a large duffel bag.
He walked up to a teller and in a hushed voice said, “I have a million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a Swiss bank account as quickly as possible.”
The teller replied, “There’s no need to whisper, Sir. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland.”