The Atheist’s Afterlife

Jerry was a non-believer. One fateful day, he died and was sent to hell.

To his surprise, the sky was blue, the grass was lush and green, the trees were filled with delicious fruit, and the other condemned souls were running around laughing and playing.

A human-like figure wearing a white tuxedo and a magnificent set of horns came up to Jerry and said, “Welcome to hell, Jerry. I am Satan, and I’m so pleased to meet you! If there’s anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable, be sure to let me know.”

As Jerry explored his unexpected afterlife, he found a large chasm in the ground. It reeked of sulfur and when he looked down inside he saw a humongous chamber filled with flames and screaming souls.

Just then Satan came up and shooed Jerry away from the pit.

“What’s all that going on down there?” asked Jerry.

“Oh, just ignore them,” Satan replied while rolling his eyes. “They’re Christians; they wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The Grieving Blonde

The manager noticed his blonde secretary at her desk in tears.

Deeply concerned, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

The blonde replied, “My mother passed away this morning.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” replied the manager. “Why don’t you go home and take the day off?”

“No thank you,” replied the blonde. “It’s best that I keep myself busy.” And with that the blonde dried her eyes and got back to typing.

Later that day, her manager finds her crying again, so he said, “I know you’re upset about your mother passing away, and I know you said you’d rather keep busy, but the company does provide paid bereavement when you lose a parent.”

Drying her tears again she said, “It’s not that. My sister just called, and her mom passed away this morning too!”

The Swiss Deposit

An American went into a Swiss bank carrying a large duffel bag.

He walked up to a teller and in a hushed voice said, “I have a million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a Swiss bank account as quickly as possible.”

The teller replied, “There’s no need to whisper, Sir. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland.”