Monthly Archives: November 2009

Editor’s note: The Ginger Jokes series has been our most popular.
We have two other pages you may also like to see:
Ginger Jokes
Ginger Jokes Part III

Ginger Baby

A father-to-be paces up and down the corridors of the maternity unit when the midwife suddenly bursts through the doors of the delivery room.

“Your baby has been delivered sir, but I’m afraid theres some good news and bad news”. “oh my god” says the father, “whats the bad news?”

Well im afraid your baby has been born ginger” says the midwife, “bloody hell!!” screams the father in horror, “what the hell can the good news possibly be then!!”

“well fortunately sir” explains the delighted midwife “your child was also born dead!”

Ginger Bet

A ginger and a blonde met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The ginger bet the blonde $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the blonde replied, “I’ll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the ginger gave the blonde the $50.

The blonde said “I can’t take this, you’re my friend”.

The ginger said “No. A bet’s a bet”.

So the blonde said “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money”.

“Well, so did I”, said the ginger, “but I never thought he’d jump again!”

Ginger  Jamborie

What do a redhead and a freezer have in common?
They’ve both got ice on the inside.

How can two redheads become invisible in a crowd of three?
When they’re with a blonde.

Why do redheads take the pill?
Wishful thinking.

What do you call a good looking man with a redhead?
A hostage.

What do you call a redhead with large breasts?
A mutant.

What do you call a redhead with a blond on either side?
An interpreter.

Why was the first football pitch sketched out on a redhead’s chest?
They needed a level playing field.

Why are redheads flat chested?
It makes it easier to read their T- shirts.

What’s the difference between a redhead and a jelly?
A jelly wobbles when you eat it.

How can you tell when a redhead’s been using a computer?
There are lipstick marks on the screen.

What do you call a redhead whose phone rings on Saturday night?
Shocked.

What do redheads miss most about a great party?
The invitation.

How many gingers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they prefer to sit in the dark.

We have two other pages you may also like to see:
Ginger Jokes
Ginger Jokes Part III

Thanksgiving in the USA  is Thursday, November 26 this year. Here’s a few common phrases you will probably hear during the festivities (that would likely get you slapped otherwise).

1. Talk about a huge breast

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It’s cool whip time.

4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst.

5. That’s one terrific spread.

6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some.

10. Don’t play with your meat.

11 Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you will be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once.

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He’s all right now.

Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They’re trying to get away from the noise.

Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.

Q. What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it’s be a chicken sedan.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!

Q. Did you hear about the new “divorced” Barbie doll that they’re selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.

AQ. What’s a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two – if they’re thinly sliced.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick

Q. What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three – his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.

Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
A. He left his foot on the accelerator.

Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!

Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.

Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
A. Soup.

Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.

Q. What is Osama bin Laden’s idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.

Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A. A refund.

Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. The koala forgot to let go.

Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A. Don’t ask her out again.

Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.

Q. What’s the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.

Q. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no fucking eye deer.

Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

Q. What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can’t?
A. Come in five different flavors.

Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy

Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They’re going to call it FED UP!

Q. What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who’s a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

God was just about done creating humans but He had two parts left over.

He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so He thought He might as well just ask them.

He told them one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.

“It’s a very handy thing,” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it.”

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, “Oh, please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!” On and on he went like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place – first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump from ten feet away – laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”

What’s it called asked Eve.

And God replied, “Brains”.