Monthly Archives: December 2009

Later Years’ Lunch

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,

“While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!”

Geezer Gas Up

A senior couple pulls up to a gas station.

Attendant: How may I help you?

Old Man: Please fill it up.

Old Lady: What did he say?

Old Man [yelling]: He asked what we wanted and I told him to fill it up.

Attendant: So, where are you heading?

Old Man: To Chicago to see our Grandchildren.

Old Lady: What did he say?

Old Man [yelling]: He asked where we’re going. I told him we’re going to see the Grand kids.

Attendant: It sure is a nice day for a drive.

Old Man: Yes, it’s been quite pleasant.

Old Lady: What did he say?

Old Man: He said its good weather.

Attendant: Where are you coming from?

Old Man: We started our trip from Pittsburgh.

Old Lady: What did he say?

Old Man: He asked where we’re from, and I said Pittsburgh.

Attendant: I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She wouldn’t shut up and was lousy in bed.

Old lady: What did he say?

Old Man: He says he knows you!

Seriously, I installed some tracking software, and this is where we are at this moment. While I do maintain this site mainly because I get some personal enjoyment out of it, it also makes me feel good when other people stop by to see what I’ve been working on. In other words: Thanks for stopping by!

On a side note, I just want to mention that Flush Twice has actually been moving up in its rankings. While you may note a bit of a dip around the 10th and 11th, keep in mind that I only update on Saturday’s and that would be the 5th and the 12th. I was thinking about doing some non-canonical stuff during the rest of the week, but that would screw up the whole format of the site. I think I’ll just stick to the same old, same old.

Have you ever noticed that teenagers are a lot like cats?

• Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
• No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane.
• All of your efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
• You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
• Even if you tell jokes as well as Robin Williams, neither cats nor teens will ever crack a smile.
• No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.
• Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
• Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.
• Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating a sense of complete and utter boredom.
• Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture.
• Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.