OK, so I’ve been busy. Like OMG busy. I was having some car trouble, and long story short, I ended up buying a 2016 Nissan LEAF. Sadly I gave up my trusty ’97 Plymouth Breeze with only a year to go before being eligible to get historical license plates. Nevertheless I have no regrets. Having a Leaf is a hell of a lot of fun.
So have you ever been in the left hand lane, but needed to move over to turn right, only to find there is some yokel keeping pace right next to you? You try to speed up a little to get around them, but for some reason, they speed up. Then you let off the gas to let them get ahead, and then they slow down. {insert eye roll} So you could floor it, but then they would hear your engine revving up and accept your challenge for a drag race. You’re gonna miss your turn, so you brake hard which forces them to shit or get off the pot. Once they drive on, you can get over in the right hand lane to make your turn.
Well, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Leafs don’t have engines. They have electric motors… with rediculously fast responsiveness… high torque… and remarkably silent. So when the morning yokel was playing that trite little game with me on my way to work, I just said to myself, “fuck this fucker,” as I floored my accelerator and passed him like he was driving a moped with a flat. I can only imagine his slack jaw gaping a tad bit wider in his attempt to process the event that had just taken place.
I would have joined you sooner, but the price point versus range wasn’t there for me yet. I bought this one for $9400 out the door.
Since my daily commute is only 20 miles round trip, and I occasionally go to visit my dad who lives about 25 miles south, The used Leaf was a practical choice.
It still has 11 of its 12 health bars (82% according to Leaf spy) on a 30kwh battery and has a range of about 80-something in the city and about 55 or so on the highway. It should last me at least 5 years, but I’m hoping to get a decade.
And for the home viewers, these are the real world numbers. I bought it in Columbus and had to drive 73 miles along the back roads to get home to Dayton. I’ve been testing this thing non stop since I got it.
FYI: For those out there who have an electric car and decide to visit Dayton, good fucking luck finding a decent public charging point. The infrastructure here is pathetic.
And I would not mind if there was an accessible ChargePoint around here. There are a few in the downtown parking garages, but unless you’re going to a ball game or court, it’s not really practical.
Might as well be driving on dirt roads I tell ya.
Fortunately, I didn’t have any trouble installing a level 2 charger on the back of my house.
I suppose I should start by telling you how it happened. It was an otherwise nondescript day back in February. I went to get out of my rocker-recliner and when I scooched forward to get up, the front armrests bottomed out on the floor as they always do. Unbeknownst to me, Alex just happened to be laying down there that fateful day, and his left arm managed to get pinched.
Of course he yowled the loudest I'd ever heard him yell in his entire life and shot off into the basement. I felt terrible about it, but then I had no way of knowing he was down there when I went to get up. After a short while, Alex came back upstairs, and I was able to check for injury.
Shockingly, there were no broken bones, no blood, and Alex was able to walk just fine. It almost seemed cartoonish at the time, but down the left side of his left arm was a ribbon of flattened fur. He seemed somewhat indifferent to this, and acted like he just wanted to put the whole thing behind him. Seeing as Alex didn't appear to be in immediate danger, I took a "wait and see" position.
Over the next month, the "ribbon" began to shrink inward towards his elbow. I took this as a good sign that his injury was healing naturally and everything would be fine... But things were not fine. After a month and a half, his elbow began to swell. By mid-April I had to take him in to the vet for an exam.
The vet did a fair bit of Hmmm'ing and scrunched her face a lot. She didn't want to poke it with anything for fear it might introduce something. She took some measurements and expressed a "wait and see" attitude. I then scheduled a follow up appointment two months out.
Only a month later in mid-May, the swelling on his elbow had increased to the point that it started to ulcer. I called the vet and got him in immediately. This time they tried to drain it, but it went horribly. After the first stick, Alex started squirting blood all over the place, and the vet and technician freaked out and were running around looking for towels while I had to hold my cat down in a growing pool of his own blood.
After they got things back under control, she tried again with a larger needle, and went in from a different direction. After plunging to the center of the mass, she remarked that it was solid and that the fluid had probably dispersed into the surrounding tissue. She then went on to suggest that it might even be "malignant" and recommended a biopsy. They gave me an estimate for the procedure that ran from $500 to $800. I immediately left and made an appointment with another vet that I had gone to in the past.
The next day, my alternate vet didn't have any good news. By now, Alex's arm was very infected. At first he suggested that the arm would have to come off, but after noting Alex's age, he pulled back and recommended palliative care. I pushed for a quote on the cost of an amputation, and he informed me it would be around $3500 at the lowest, and that at his age, Alex would only live another 6 months after the surgery, and to just stick with palliative care.
They gave Alex a shot of antibiotics, a shot for long term pain management, prednisolone tablets and a liquid antibiotic, along with an appointment to come back about a month later.
Over the memorial day weekend, I cleaned Alex's wound and administered his meds. Alex was still Alex though. He obviously wanted to live, so I began making phone calls. Eventually I got in touch with the Humane Society. It took week and a half to finally get in, but after looking at Alex's arm, their surgeon said that the arm was "not compatible with long term survival" and agreed to amputate it... in two weeks.
That was the longest two weeks of my life.
Every day that thing on his elbow grew bigger and bigger. In the final week, it started to split open. It looked like something out of a horror movie. The outer layer of skin died off and eventually I had to cut the hard chunk of dried flesh off with scissors. Fortunately the antibiotics prescribed by the second vet kept the wound site free from infection.
And through all of this, Alex was still Alex. He just kept on living his life like nothing was wrong. Even with that thing on his arm, he still walked normal, climbed up and down the stairs, jumped on the bed, table, dresser, et cetera. Part of me knew this cat was gonna make it, but part of me was scared that his arm was going to go septic and Alex would die.
I felt relieved on the day of the surgery. We made it through to this day! Alex would be a tripod, but he was going to live! I dropped Alex off at the Human Society and went to work expecting to pick him up between 4:00 pm and 5:00 pm.
My phone rang a little before noon. The voice on the other end informed me that the surgery had gone fine, and they didn't notice anything wrong during the procedure, but in the recovery room, Alex's heart rate began to drop, he went non-responsive, and his pupils dilated. The surgeon explained that sometimes a blood clot will break free during the surgery and make its way into the brain. Alex had had a stroke. There was nothing more they could do.
Moments later, Alex died.
Usually I show off pictures of Gail here, (she's doing find by the way). Gail is a fun dog who loves to constantly run and play, but Alex was the one that I could really count on for affection. He would hop up on my chest when I was resting in my recliner and purr. He would be there at the door to greet me when I came home. He would keep me company when I pooped. He would wake me in the morning, and insist I gave him a thorough petting before I went to sleep at night. He talked to me with his incessant meows, and made sure I never left the house without filling the food and water bowls. Alex loved to get his "full kitty massage" complete with belly rubs, and he was the kind of cat that would walk up and headbutt me to let me know I was his as much as he was mine.
The house feels so empty without him now.
I miss you Alex,
-f2x
July 2025
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GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
Electric propulsion is great, isn’t it? Been doing it myself since 2013, never going back.
I would have joined you sooner, but the price point versus range wasn’t there for me yet. I bought this one for $9400 out the door.
Since my daily commute is only 20 miles round trip, and I occasionally go to visit my dad who lives about 25 miles south, The used Leaf was a practical choice.
It still has 11 of its 12 health bars (82% according to Leaf spy) on a 30kwh battery and has a range of about 80-something in the city and about 55 or so on the highway. It should last me at least 5 years, but I’m hoping to get a decade.
And for the home viewers, these are the real world numbers. I bought it in Columbus and had to drive 73 miles along the back roads to get home to Dayton. I’ve been testing this thing non stop since I got it.
FYI: For those out there who have an electric car and decide to visit Dayton, good fucking luck finding a decent public charging point. The infrastructure here is pathetic.
I feel lucky. I know of at least 9 near me, mostly over toward the big city. They’re not exactly conveniently located, but they’re there.
The majority are ChargePoint and require a card to operate, but some are just plain free.
And I would not mind if there was an accessible ChargePoint around here. There are a few in the downtown parking garages, but unless you’re going to a ball game or court, it’s not really practical.
Might as well be driving on dirt roads I tell ya.
Fortunately, I didn’t have any trouble installing a level 2 charger on the back of my house.