The town’s most popular prostitute was getting pretty tired of her run-ins with the law. To help weed out the undercover fuzz looking to bust her, she instructed her trusted jons never to ask for sex, but rather ask her to do their laundry.
The police eventually caught on to her scheme, but someone had tipped her off. When an undercover cop came up to her holding out a twenty, she casually remarked, “That’s not very much, so maybe you ought to just do that load by hand.”
Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Mary’s.
The other two women wonder why Mary never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Mary, “Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?”
“Well,” says Mary, “when I wake up in the morning, I look over at my husband. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it’s going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.”
“What if he has an erection?” asks one of the women.
“Honey,” says Mary, “on a day like that, you don’t do the laundry!”
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my frog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your frog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your frog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his frog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his frog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the frog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your frog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle!”
A couple moved into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the wife saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.
“That laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the wife would make the same comments about how dirty the neighbors laundry looked.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Would you look at that! She finally learned how to do the wash correctly!”
The husband said, “Actually, I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”