Sunday, June 30, 2019

No Good Deed

So back on May 19, I wrote about getting a cordless electric mower. Just to let you know, it’s still doing a very good job. Now that the grass is really coming on strong, it takes me a little more time to mow the yards.

Yes, I said yards with an ‘s’.

So when I was in the Army, my next door neighbor took care of my house. Stan mowed the grass, and his wife took care of the cat. A couple years ago, Stan passed away. I’ve been mowing his widow’s lawn ever since. It’s the least I could do for the kindness they’ve shown me.

But this isn’t about them. It’s about the guy who lives on the other side of my neighbor. My neighbor’s neighbor. Let’s call him Mr. Bellyacher.

I started mowing Mr. Bellyacher’s yard a couple years ago because it seemed like he was having some health issues, and it really wasn’t all that much trouble. It also made the whole block look really nice with all the yards cut to one level.

Now keep in mind, I don’t charge anyone a single penny for any of this.

So this past week I was mowing that strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street… What do you call that section anyway? As I get to his end of the block, he comes running out of his house saying, “Hey Skip, I was wondering if I could get you to do something for me.”

Now first of all, my name is not Skip. I don’t know why he calls me that, but I just roll with it. Now I’m tired and hot, and this guy is insisting that I follow him around to the back of his house so he can show me his gutter in need of repair.

I don’t do gutters, and I told him so.

Not listening to me, Bellyacher kept going on and on about how his doctor told not to get up on ladders, he couldn’t get his buddy to do it, and blah, blah, blah. I started walking back to the front of the house so I could finish mowing the grass.

There was a 4 door car with it’s passenger front wheel pulled up on the strip of grass and was practically on the sidewalk. A guy in his twenties was just getting out of the driver’s side as I walked back up to my lawnmower. He shouted at me, “Hey, is that lawnmower for sale?”

“No! I’m in the middle of cutting the grass,” I shouted back and then proceeded to do my best to ignore the “almost thief”. Bellyacher was rounding the corner to see that I had reached my lawnmower before this dude had a chance to snatch it. The guy hopped back in his car and sped off as I glared at Bellyacher. Without another word he went back into his house.

I don’t doubt for a second that if I had been distracted even 30 seconds longer, my new lawnmower would be gone.

Now what I’m about to say is pure speculation. Bellyacher knew I had just spent a lot of money on a new lawnmower, and he seems to have number of exclusively male friends drop by from time to time. I can’t say for certain, but the nature of the distraction, and the speed by which this motorist in need of a lawnmower appeared is highly suspicious. It wouldn’t surprise me if there was an agreement to split the money after the mower had been pawned.

I finished cutting everyone’s grass that day, but Bellyacher is going to have to find someone else to cut his yard from now on.


Kudos

Just another shout out to thank George for sending in the jokes. Of course you too can submit jokes via our submission page or just send them to flush2x@gmail.com if you get a chance.

Thanks for visiting today, and have a great week.

Pax,

-f2x

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2 Responses to Sunday, June 30, 2019

  1. The oldest rater says:

    In my neck of the woods, that strip of grass (which is part of the municipally-owned right-of-way, but you have to maintain) is called the “extension”.

    I think you called Bellyacher’s ploy. And oh, just for lagniappe… look up your city’s regs on maximum grass height, and AS SOON AS Bellyacher’s neglect lets it get that high, phone in a complaint about a “delapidated and unkempt property”. Get him some nice fines for trying to steal from you. That’s called Pro Revenge.

    • f2x says:

      “The extension,” eh? Why thank you. I’ll have to remember that. Of course I’ve asked multiple people around me, but most people here in Ohio seem to just call it, “the strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street”. They are ever so imaginative in my community. Such cleverness is a genuine virtue.

      While I like the way you think, my moral imperatives prevent me from actually carrying out such a delightfully wicked plan against Bellyacher. I know others like Bellyacher himself would probably not hesitate to file a complaint against a fellow neighbor, but it has been my observation that escalating contraventions ultimately leads to barratry and a net loss of personal resources. Unlike Bellyacher, I don’t have time for that.

      Having to mow only two yards instead of three is enough reward. In fact I just mowed the grass on Wednesday. It is now Friday, and as I look down the street, his lawn is still uncut. It may take a few days for his new reality to sink in, and a few more before he can act upon it. That alone will have to suffice.

      Now if you will excuse me, I have to make a filler strip for tomorrow. Due to the holiday, I’ve been off work most of the week, but have yet to come up with any ideas for the comic. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?

      -f2x

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