A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy.
The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office. “Things aren’t going too well, guys,” he announced grimly. “So to perk up sales, I’m announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales this week gets a blowjob.”
“What does the loser get?” asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and replied, “The loser gets to give it.”
A woman made an appointment with her gynecologist.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor.
“Something is terribly wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina.”
The doctor had a look and began to chuckle. “Those aren’t postage stamps,” said the doc. “They’re the stickers off bananas!”
One evening a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door.
“Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?” she asked.
“I would love to,” replied the husband, “but I don’t know her well enough.”
An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin’ at it with a sheep.
The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer.
He taps him on the shoulder and says, “You know mate, back home, we shear those!”
The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, “I’m not bloody SHARING this with no one!
Things men SHOULDN’T say out loud in a Victoria’s Secret store:
9) No Thanks. Just sniffing.
8) I’ll be in the dressing room going blind.
7) Mom will love this.
6) Oh the size won’t matter. She’s inflatable.
5) No need to wrap it up. I’ll eat it here.
4) Will you model this for me?
3) The Miracle What? This is better than world peace!
2) Forty Five bucks? You’re just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!
And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in Victoria’s Secret:
1) Oh, honey, you’ll NEVER squeeze your fat ass into that!
