Ineffective Daily Affirmations

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so”.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.

To have a successful relationship I will learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.

I am willing to make the mistakes to help others learn from them.


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